Ricochet: From Heart to Heart
by Moro-moro
Summary: It's been 3 years. What can you do in three years? I can learn English, I can create a niche in America, but I cannot forget you... no matter how hard I try. Eiri Yuki, I hate you. Don't come and tell me you love me after this long! I won't listen anymore
1. Chapter 1: Breath Control

**_A/N: So, how many people were unhappy with the way the series were ended (in the manga, because I haven't seen the end of the anime, I'm about 3 episodes away)? If I had my way, the last four books would be written differently. So this is my spin on the end of the story. It's rather… rough? Hn… I know most of you will think that Shuichi's a bit out of character, but I always thought that he was the manic depressive type, and I worked with that. I also worked with some irony in later chapters, but you won't get that until then. (I should stop writing on more than one story at a time. I have, like 3 going... aauuughh...)_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own the songs sang/written in this chapter. Everyone should know by now that I don't own Gravi. _**

**_Song one is "Follow" by Breaking Benjamin. The lyrics shown to Hiro are from the song "Forget it" by the same band. Words in (parenthases) are words I have added in to suit Shuichi. I have rearranged lyrics as well as tweaking them. This is not for monitary purposes, only literary. _**

* * *

**Chapter One: Breath Control**

Eiri Yuki looked down in distaste at the items his brother-in-law had laid on his table. "Get that crap out of my house."

Tohma smirked lightly. "Gladly. But I've been told by my wife to leave them here."

"Then throw them out a window. Put the paper through the shredder, and run over the CD," Yuki grumbled, tapping away at his laptop once more.

"Now, now, Eiri-san. We all know how scary Mika can be," Tohma reasoned. He stood, dusting off his pants neatly. "As much as I wish I could stay, business calls, and I must be there soon."

"Whatever," the bespectacled blonde grunted, completely ignoring Tohma.

With a sigh, Tohma left. "I'm at loathe to say so, but I know you miss that boy," he said as parting.

Yuki scowled, slamming his laptop closed. Tohma had left that crap after all. Yuki took off his glasses and slid them into his breast pocket staring at the ceiling.

Missed that loud, annoying, little bugger? Hell no. It had been three years of silence, of not waking up to gunshots from crazed music managers; three years of being able to go to the grocery store without being mobbed by crazed girls and media leeches; three years of being able to sleep at night, and getting his novels done on time... three years without his loud singing in the shower, without sweet attempts at cooking and cleaning... three years without him...

It was a little lonely, sure, but the benefits outweighed the disadvantages, right?

_Whatever._

Yuki sighed and picked up the CD. "So what if I miss him?" he muttered, staring at the picture on the cover.

It featured a boy in his early twenties, sitting on the remains of a tree staring off and away from the camera. Waves foamed below his feet, and behind him, on two other driftwood trees, stood the other members of the band: a slim teen with short green hair, the other older-looking with longer hair.

Yuki didn't care about them. He was too busy staring at the boy in the center, who was looking entirely mysterious and depressed in a very attractive way. He looked much different from the Shuichi of three years ago. He was taller, slimmer, and far less vibrant in the sense of color. His hair was now dyed black, and his skin was porcelain pale. If it weren't for his eyes, he would look like a lifeless doll, posed for a picture on a young child's whim. His large violet eyes vibrated with emotion and were pulsating—how the photographer managed to capture this particular perfection was beyond Yuki— with defined passion.

The title was etched into the sand, and it read:

_**Bad Luck: **_

_**Into the Fall**_

Yuki put it down onto the sofa with a sigh. He didn't listen to music. He especially didn't want to listen to that particular CD. It would bring back too many memories of taped concerts and live shows, private songs sung just for him, and late-night lyrics.

He picked up the large rectangle that was decorated with music notes and the oddly designed BL that had become Bad Luck's trademark in the last couple of years. It was a ticket; a VIP ticket. This had, on the back, Shuichi's spindly handwriting. It was obvious that it had been copied from an original and was probably printed on every ticket like Yuki's, but the novelist read it anyway.

_Hey, I want to thank you so much for coming to this concert! I'm glad you like our music, and are a loyal fan. We all love you so much! _

_Shuichi Shindou _

It was corny, but it momentarily melted Yuki's heart. Once that moment was over, he scoffed and laid it down, to pick up the other paper. This time, it was a note from his sister.

_You're an idiot, Eiri Uesugi. We all thought after a few weeks you would go get Shuichi. You've dragged this on for three years. _

_We all know that you care for him. _

_Go see their concert, talk to him, and then hope it's not too late. _

_You have to go to New York anyway for a book signing; it's not that much out of the way. _

Yuki glared down at the paper before crumbling it up and tossing it across the room.

"I won't go," he sighed, closing his eyes.

* * *

"_I'm loosing sight_

_Don't count on me_

_I chase the sun_

_It chases me!_

_You know my name_

_You know my face_

_You'd know my heart_

_If you knew my place!_

_You know my heart_

_You know my gaze_

_You'd know my heart_

_If you knew your place!_

_I'll walk straight down,_

_As far as I can go!_

_I'll follow you_

_(If) you follow me;_

_I don't know why_

_You lie so clean_

_I break right through the irony..._

_**I hate this wait**__!"_

Shuichi screamed with all his might with the last line of the song, the pre-recorded music fading behind him.

Panting, he waited for either K or Reiji to say it was good to go.

Outside the recording booth, K was shaking his head. "That kid has some good breath control."

Reiji nodded in agreement. She looked over at the sound engineer and he flashed a thumbs up. The girl waved for Shuichi to come out of the booth.

Shuichi trudged out. "Ahh… I'm thirsty," he rasped, grabbing his water.

"If you keep screaming like that, you'll kill your vocal cords," Hiro noted, looking up from his guitar.

Shuichi smiled softly. "I'm fine, Hiro. I know when to stop. Singing is the most important thing in the world to me."

"That's the spirit!" Reiji exclaimed, slamming her hand down onto the table. "Have faith in the young genius!"

"Now I wouldn't go so far as to call Shindou-kun a genius," Suguru cut in.

"He managed to learn English in two years!"

"That's because it was for my music, Reiji," Shuichi said happily. "Anyway, K, what was the thing you had to tell us after recording?"

K looked up from polishing his gun. "Oh. A drummer. The songs are getting a little too much for a synth player, and since you have a drummer during your concerts, we think you should hire one."

Shuichi thought for a moment. "Why not? That okay with you guys?" he asked. Hiro and Suguru shrugged.

Reiji grinned. "That's wonderful! I already have just the boy!" she said, laughing.

Shuichi edged away from the maniacal producer. "Anyway… Hiro, can I run some new stuff past you later?"

"Sure. Lyrics again?"

Shuichi smiled. "Yeah."

Lately, Shuichi had taken to writing his own lyrics again. They got polished up by a professional after Shuichi had finished them. Before the vocalist had learned English completely, he had them translated, polished, then translated again. It was a tiring process, but completely worth it. Currently, Bad Luck dominated the charts with their dark rock n' roll songs. Girls loved brooding Asian pretty boys.

Later, Shuichi and Hiro sat together in XMR's café, going over Shuichi's new lyrics.

_It's a crime/ You let it happen to me/ Never mind, I'll let it happen to you/ Forget it/ There's nothing to lose/ But my mind/ And all the things I wanted/ You're the part of me/ That I don't want to see… There's a place/ I see you fall over me/ It's a taste/ Of all that might come to be... _

Hiro scanned the rest. "Shuichi, really… Where do you come up with this stuff?" he asked. "I have to worry about your mental state sometimes."

Shuichi sipped his tea, staring over the rim of the cup at his friend. "You've known I was insane," he said, setting down his cup, "Ever since you met me. I've know I was insane the moment I realized that Yuki would never love me," Shuichi purred, pressing his hand to his heart in an almost feminine manner. He was trying to joke around, but it came across too sincere for it to be teasing.

Hiro sighed. "Shuichi," he said softly. "It's been three years." He worried about his friend, he really did. After crying for a week straight, Shuichi went and dyed his hair, then dived into his music, heart and soul. It was how Shuichi lived now; it was like he was only visiting the world of speech.

"I know you don't quite understand, but that's a wound to me that I can't heal. Not even with my music… It's a lot easier to write lyrics when no one's breathing down your neck about how bad they are!" he laughed joyously. Shuichi caught the concerned look on Hiro's face, and he softened.

Leaning forward, he patted the guitarist on the shoulder. "I'm older and more mature now Hiro. I know I still love him, and it hurts. That's all. I know I'm lonely, and I'm a bit cracked in the head. But I won't do anything more drastic than crowd-surf at a concert."

Hiro chuckled. "If you crowd-surfed, all the girls would grope you, Shu-chan."

Shuichi seemed a bit disturbed at the idea. "Okay, so maybe I won't."

Hiro smiled at his friend. "Are you sure?"

"Hai, Hiro-sama, daijobu!" Shuichi exclaimed in Japanese, bowing against the table.

Hiro laughed and ruffled Shuichi's hair. "I've got to go, I'm expecting a phone call."

"Ayaka-chan?" Shuichi teased. "Go, go!" he laughed, waving his friend away.

Once Hiro was gone, Shuichi leaned back into his chair, drinking his cooling tea. He sighed. "Sleep… I need sleep," he mumbled, gathering his lyrics book.

He knew he was going home to an empty apartment; to a cold bed where he would spend the night tossing and turning, longing for something he would never have again.


	2. Chapter 2: New York, New York

**_A/N: This chapter scared me in the way it wrote its self. I only meant for Shu-chan to scream a little at Yuki, but… wow… it went on for like, a page on my word processor… Then I didn't mean for him to get down on the floor and beg, but, wow… And this chapter was planned for only two pages, maybe three… HOW DID IT TURN INTO SIX?! My brain is on weird story autopilot. At least it's not total crack! Enjoy and review for the sadly not appearing Ryuichi and Kumagoro! _**

* * *

**Chapter Two: New York, New York**

Shuichi looked out over New York City, leaning precariously against the icy metal railings of his fiftieth-floor-apartment balcony. He blankly trailed the streaks of red that were the break-lights of cars as the left the city for home.

He sighed, leaning further over, his blanket fluttering in the wind.

Home…

It had been three years and he still couldn't call this place home. He couldn't call Japan home either, considering the only place that his heart has resonated with was the last place he could ever return to.

Yuki… Yuki hated him. He was so entirely sure that it didn't hurt anymore. Instead, it numbed.

Shuichi dangled his arms and head over the railing, half-over it. He wasn't worried. He had hung far further off the railings, defying safety all together. He even fell once… But that was before, when he had a second-story apartment, and that time it was a mistake; Reiji had pushed him over.

Some nice man had caught him. He wasn't hurt, and that should've been the end. But, no. Instead he got sent to a shrink because he actually wanted to get hurt. The doctor had said it was depression and prescribed some pills that were immediately yanked away after about a month when the poor, drugged and dejected vocalist had tried to cut himself. They were too strong for his system.

Shuichi watched the people scurry around in the winter air. A burst of air came and his arms fluttered in the wind like paper.

He was a doll that had been tossed away after a while of play. Unwanted, uncared for. A broken doll.

Shuichi straightened and made his way back into his warm apartment, turning up his music. That was where his home was.

He had managed to create a world of his own, weaving his most precious thoughts and feelings with a melody everyone could hear, and hoped that they understood. But understanding was as far into his world as he wanted them; there was a distinct line in Shuichi's heart. He would care, laugh, and be with you, but if you crossed that line, he would reject you with every fiber of his being.

In other words, he had lost the will to love everything but his music.

One of Shuichi's older songs came on, the one he had written to show Yuki that he could write, the love song he concocted off of insolence and an unnamed passion. He broke down and began to sob in the middle of the room.

"_Daijobu, daijobu, daijobu_," Shuichi chanted, falling back into Japanese.

His world was one that was made of glass, the simplest touch, could—and would—shatter it completely.

* * *

Yuki gazed out the window of his hotel room. He hated New York. He loathed it with every filament of his living soul. And then some. 

He detested it even more knowing the fact that he very may well run into the person he just didn't want to see. It turned out that XMR was hosting his book-signing.

"Irony makes the world turn 'round," Yuki muttered darkly, pulling on his jacket.

He would do everything he could to avoid Shuichi. He just didn't want to admit that he'd been dead wrong all that time. He also didn't want the boy laughing in his face. It had been three years, after all; who knows what Shuichi was like?

Yuki sighed and decided to go buy coffee at a café near the XMR building, then go in to do whatever they needed him to do.

It was going to be a very long day for Eiri Yuki.

* * *

Shuichi sat in a booth at Starbucks, across from Hiro, munching on a coffee cake. "So, anyway," he chimed, spraying crumbs across the laminated wood, "I think we should just practice for today. We have a concert coming up, and didn't Rage say that the drummer's coming in?" he asked. 

Hiro nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Let him get acquainted to the wild ride that Bad Luck has to offer."

The door chimed as a customer walked in. This in itself was nothing special; Starbucks was a very popular place. It was the customer himself—a tall man with blonde hair and glasses with an aura that screamed "Stay the fuck away from me", that made Hiro want to blindfold and drag Shuichi out of here.

Hiro blanched; it was none other than Eiri Yuki. Shuichi made move to get up, not seeing the man a few feet behind him, waiting in line. "I'm going to get me a coffee, okay?" he asked. "Hiro, what's wrong?"

Hiro shook his head. "Let me get it for you, Shu. You write down the order of songs in case the new guy's like Fujisaki."

Shuichi nodded. "Makes sense," he hummed, pulling out a pen and pencil from the pockets of his coat.

Hiro scrambled over, pushing past a few chatting girls. They recognized him instantly, and gave a squeal. "Ooh! Is Shu—"

Hiro shushed them, growing into a panic. "Yeah, but he's working on some lyrics right now. We're going to do some new songs at our concert. Be sure to buy tickets," he purred, making the fanatical girls instantly melt.

"Oooh! Hiro is _so_ cool! Bad Luck is so awesome!" they gushed, scrambling out of the shop. It wasn't much, but it was enough to catch the brooding novelist's attention.

He whirled around, facing the very annoyed Hiro. "Nakano," Yuki growled.

"Eiri Yuki," Hiro hissed. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Getting coffee," Yuki said, scowling darkly at the guitarist.

"What are you doing here; in New York?" Hiro hissed, stepping in front of Yuki in line. "Never mind: Keep your ass away from Shuichi, you got me?"

"Why the fuck should I do what you tell me to, you punk!" Yuki snapped, twisting his fist into Hiro's shirt.

"Because he's just fine without you screwing him over!" Hiro said angrily. "Get out of here now!"

"I didn't come to see him! _Like I would ever want to see that fucked up, sorry-ass, pathetic excuse for a vocalist!_" Yuki shouted, drawing the attention of every patron in the store, especially the notice of the person he most wanted to see… or rather, _didn't _want to see. Yuki internally smacked himself. Why did he yell like that? Maybe he really did want Shuichi's attention… Well, he was about to get it, wanted or not.

Shuichi stood, turning towards the ruckus, his large eyes falling on the two.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion, as Shuichi made his way over to the two. His head was bowed, so neither could tell what his reaction was as the black-haired singer gently pried Yuki's hand off of Hiro.

Much to Yuki's own distaste, he couldn't help but to notice how soft Shuichi's fingers were, drawing back memories of the times that they were together. He almost shuddered as the repressed came flowing back. He really didn't want to remember; he didn't want to admit he was dead wrong.

"Shuichi," Hiro mumbled, stepping back.

Shuichi shook his head; he was trembling. Whether from anger, tears, or a combination of both wasn't revealed for a few more seconds. The store was quiet as a crypt.

"You… you have… no right," Shuichi spat, looking up at Yuki, making the man flinch with the sheer amount of hatred and unrefined longing in his violet eyes. "You have no right to come in here and pick a fight like that!" he screamed, his voice vibrating off the walls.

Yuki was stunned. He thought that if he did run into the boy, he would cry. He wasn't even shedding a tear at all. Instead, he was screaming at him. How…incoherent. Oh, he was still shouting…

"After three years you come in and act like nothing's changed. _Where the hell have you been, Eiri Yuki_?! Huh? In a cave? At home, typing on your precious laptop?" Shuichi goaded, leaning forward. Even after his growth spurt, he still had to stand on his toes to stand eye to eye with Yuki. Despite that, his presence seemed to have swelled; it was now larger than the store, possibly filling up the entire block, smothering those who heard his voice.

There was nothing musical about that voice any longer. It was harsh and callous, going ragged from the sheer force in his screams. Meticulously practiced screams, trained to carry the most noise in large amounts of space. Shuichi could probably sing to a whole arena without a mic by now. It sounded like he had that kind of breath control.

"You know what you can do?! You can take your attitude and stick it up your ass, Eiri, you'd better leave now and hope that I don't sic XMR's lawyer on you for trying to beat up Hiro! Because you had no fucking right to do that to him! If there's anyone you should fight, it should be me! And there's no real claim to that either! I should be the one to punch your lights out! I hope you slip on a banana peel and fall in front of a train, Eiri Yuki!" Shuichi screeched, pulling his fist back and sinking it into Yuki's cheek with a sickening crack.

Yuki reeled backwards, his hand tightly clasped over the large red knuckle imprints on his skin. What… this _couldn't_ be his Shuichi… For one, Shuichi wasn't that strong. And his Shuichi would never… but then… the right to call him _his _Shuichi was banished three years ago, when he brutally dumped Shuichi in a bar—at Tohma's command.

Shuichi picked up a plate from the counter and threw it on the ground. Whether he did it for dramatic effect, or he just missed Yuki was unreadable. "HOW DARE YOU COME HERE AFTER THREE YEARS? HOW DARE YOU EVEN TRY TO TALK TO ANY OF MY FRIENDS AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME! YOU SCREWED ME OVER!" Hiro rushed forward and held the struggling Shuichi back. "GET OUT! GET AWAY FROM ME! IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN, I'LL PUT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON YOU SO STRICT THAT YOU'LL HAVE TO LIVE ON THE MOON TO FUFILL IT! DO YOU HEAR ME EIRI YUKI?!" It seemed that Shuichi had hit a stride and was now screaming whatever came to mind. It was like shaking up a can of cola then only opening the top a little; eventually the pressure becomes so great that the can explodes. Just like Shuichi. But eventually the cola runs out of steam, and becomes just a small trickle…

Yuki blinked, seeing tears pool and cloud the anger brightened violet orbs. Shuichi was crying. "I'll make sure to send you to the moon, Yuki, and I'll send you without your laptop and a space suit so you shrivel up and die! I hope you get hit by an asteroid! I hope… I hope… I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" he sobbed, falling limp in Hiro's arms, slipping to the floor. He pounded his fists against the linoleum. "Just go away, go away! Please, I… please, I'll beg, just go away… I don't want to see you; no, no, no, no! Go away, please, go away. Disappear, go back to Japan, just please," the young man whimpered, dropping his head against the floor, positively wailing. "P-p-please…"

Yuki stumbled backwards, rather stunned at Shuichi. This particular… tantrum? Outburst?... was very uncharacteristically Shuichi. So just for the sake of the boy's sanity—Yuki was sure it would dissolve if he even stayed on the same block as the singer for any longer. He pushed the door open, leaning his back against it, taking in the sight of the trembling, sobbing, and begging Shuichi in something akin to horror.

Hiro shot the blonde man a scathing look, and Yuki hastily left, hearing a wail escape the poor boy on the floor as the door swung shut with its cheerful tinkling bells.

Terribly shaken, Yuki stopped by the first bar he found open and drowned his newly arisen memories and sorrows in hard liquor.

"New York, New York... Why the hell do all the bad things happen here?" Yuki muttered as a sarcastic toast. "And always to me," he added in undertone.


	3. Chapter 3: Lonely Melody

****

**_A/N: Mmm… Tsuki comes in this chapter, an original character of mine who plays a big role. Both Yuki and Shuichi's emotions are starting to fall into synch, I think…. Maybe not… I'm trying to make it happen in the amount of chapters that I planned, but… Doing that is hard. I have to find songs and transcribe the lyrics, and such, because I just don't want to write fifty-bazillion songs from scratch (terribly lazy, aren't I?) And I have several stories to keep up with… Oh well, ENJOY PLEASE! _**

**_The song in this chapter is "Until the End" by Breaking Benjamin. I have re-arranged and tweaked lyrics for literary purposes. _**

_**PS: By the way, Shuichi's not doing covers of these songs. In ****this**** universe, he has written them and such. I was talking to a friend and she brought the fact that I hadn't said so to attention. Oooops.**_

* * *

**Chapter Three: Lonely Melody**

Hiro stared, very much concerned, at Shuichi.

Shuichi sat beside him in the cab, staring blankly ahead. The boy was in shock; it was the only thing it could be.

"Mister, I know you're rock stars an' all, but shouldn't you take your friend to the hospital? He's pretty scratched up. I won't charge you, or nothin'."

Hiro smiled at the kind cabbie. "Thanks. But just to the XMR building, please. Our manager will know what to do," he said softly.

The driver nodded, and began to weave through traffic.

Hiro was deeply worried about Shuichi now.

He hadn't said a word since Yuki had left the store, and he was staring blankly ahead. Hiro had seen that look before; it was the look Shuichi wore every time he got dumped by Yuki. It was the look Shuichi had when he realized Yuki wasn't coming to get him back. It wasn't a good look.

* * *

Reiji tapped her fingers irritably against the laminate countertops. "Where the hell are they?" She grumbled. "They're _late_! When they get here, they're going to get hell!" 

Suguru sighed. "Knowing Shuichi, he probably got mobbed by fans," he said, looking up from his book. "They'll be here."

The door burst open and Hiro walked in, followed by a blank-faced Shuichi. "Uh, Rage, K… you're going to have to do some press cover ups," he mumbled, leading the boy into a chair. "He had a break down in the Starbucks on 3rd street."

Reiji stood, suddenly taking charge. "Claude, go gag the press. I'm going to take Shuichi to the hospital. Nakano, Fujisaki, you stay here; greet the newcomer. I'll call you later to tell you where we are," she said gravely. She stood and strode purposely over to Shuichi as K left the room, shouldering his gun.

"Shuichi, get up, we're going to the hospital."

"No." Shuichi frowned, his eyes focusing. "No. We need to practice… we have a concert next week. No."

Reiji shook her head. "Shuichi, you're hurt. You need to go—"

Suguru and Hiro watched the two argue, shaking their heads. "What happened?" the pianist asked softly.

Hiro only had to say one word, and the teen understood: "Yuki".

Reiji whirled around, staring down the guitarist. "Nakano, did you just say who I think you said?" Hiro nodded. "What's he doing here?" she hissed. They all knew that Yuki was a no-touch subject with Bad Luck. Even mentioning the name Eiri Yuki and the city New York in the same paragraph was a felony worse than murder in the recording room.

"I don't know, but that's why we needed a gag on the press. It was a really big scene."

"What did he do to Shuichi?"

"Nothing. I picked a fight with him, Shuichi noticed, and he came and blew up."

Reiji sighed. "Figures. Shuichi, you need to be seen about those cuts."

"They're not deep, really. We've gotta stay…"

"Excuse me, am I interrupting something? I'm looking for Reiji-chan," a boy asked softly, stepping into the room.

"Ah! You must me Tsuki-chan!" Reiji exclaimed. "Well, there's been an incident, and practice has been canceled."

"No!" Shuichi exclaimed, standing. He seemed to have recovered. "Rage, just go get me some coffee and bandages, I'll be fine! Everyone else! We start practice!"

* * *

Reiji watched Shuichi sing, sadly sighing. This boy was a wonderful talent, but he was too caught up in his music to be healthy. There was something off about the way he acted. 

"_So clever,_

_Whatever,_

_I'm done with these endeavors,_

_Alone I walk the winding way_

_Here I stay;_

_Surround me_

_It's easy_

_To fall apart completely,_

_I feel you creeping up again_

_In my head…_

_It's over!_

_No longer!_

_I feel it growing colder,_

_I knew this day would come to end_

_So let this life begin!_

_Why give up?_

_Why give in?_

_It's not enough_

_It never is;_

_So I will go on until the end_

_We've become_

_Desolate…_

_Living is_

_Hard enough,_

_**With out you fucking (it) up!**_

* * *

He was safe; blissfully and ignorantly safe. He opened his mouth and let his cocoon of his world flow out of his throat and swathe himself with the safety of his world. It lulled him back to calm, and he began to meticulously repair his burned down world. 

**It was burning again. **

Who knew one man could torch down an entire world in mere hours… minutes… seconds?

He knew—it had happened far too many times before. Even with few words spoken, Eiri Yuki still had the power to rip out the entire world from under Shuichi Shindou; he just had that kind of power over him.

'_Not this time! I refuse to let that man destroy my world again! I've… I've worked too hard to forget him_,' Shuichi thought as he screamed the last line into his mic.

Panting, he motioned for the band to stop. "Really good," he said. "We continue tomorrow! Now leave and have a fun night!" Grinning, Shuichi plopped onto the floor, guzzling his water.

A purple-haired boy stepped up, looking at Shuichi.

"You must be Tsuki!" Shuichi said, hopping up. "I'm Shuichi! You were really good on the drums today!"

Tsuki smiled and shook Shuichi's small hand. "I'm Tsukito Minomori. Everybody calls me Tsuki. I'm really flattered that I can be in Bad Luck."

"Fan, huh?" Shuichi asked, smiling as he stood. "But, you're really good; we're flattered to have you!"

Tsuki grinned. "You're as nice as everyone says, Shindou-san," he stated, "I was rather worried when I came into the room this morning. May I ask…?"

Shuichi blinked, then looked down at his arms. "I had a bit of an incident," he whispered. He looked like he was about to cry.

Tsuki blinked. "Um, do you want to have dinner and become acquainted?" he asked, blushing slightly.

Shuichi's expression softened. This boy liked him… how odd. "Sure. I don't see the harm in that," he said, smiling kindly at the newest addition to the band.

* * *

Yuki took a long drag from his cigarette as he leaned against the large glass window in his hotel room. He stared down at the city below, loathing everything he saw. 

Damp hair brushed against his skin, annoying him even further.

"Dammit," he growled, turning his focus to his reflection in the mirror. A bruise adorned his cheek, leaving evidence that even Shuichi could do damage.

Yuki rubbed his temples, Shuichi's pained expression floating in front of his tired and bloodshot eyes.

Yuki groaned. Just what he needed on top of his headache, remembering that brat.

He collapsed onto his bed, staring at the white plaster ceiling.

"Why did he have to sound so goddamn lonely?" the man muttered, covering his eyes with his arm.

* * *

"I've been a fan since you guys came out in Japan," Tsuki said, twirling his fork into the spaghetti he had ordered. "I was on a trip to visit my dad, and I heard one of your songs. I was hooked really." 

Shuichi smiled, swallowing a bite of chicken. "That's… wow…" he mumbled. "Were you already playing the drums?"

"Oh, yeah. I was an amateur hoping to hit it big time. I entered XMR a year later. Much to my surprise, the same time you guys did! I was ecstatic. I wanted to see if you were as energetic as your songs."

"I generally am," Shuichi admitted. "I've been called an airhead a lot."

Tsuki smiled. "I waited for your new album to come out, and when I listened to it, I was surprised."

"The new sound? It surprised everyone, really."

"No, not that… it… your voice… it sounded lonely. It still does. Except now your voice is angry; it was different from the already recorded songs…"

Shuichi felt his blood drain from his face as Tsuki spoke. "N-no! I have… I'm not…"

Tsuki eyed the paling Shuichi. "Your incident… did it have to do with that person you sing for? The one you dedicate all your CDs to? …That Eiri Yuki person you sing for, did you run into them?"

"Wh-wha?" Shuichi felt his chest tighten and his breath grew fast. His heart raced against his lungs, pulling all the air from them. "I-I… Ho-how di-did…?"

"I can read kanji, you know," Tsuki said softly. "I knew because he has a book signing here in New York… it's hosted by XMR… Is he the reason your songs are so lonely? Because he hates you?"

Shuichi stared in horror, then he did what he normally did when faced when problems caused by Yuki: Cried and ran away.


	4. Chapter 4: Recollection

****

**_A/N: This chapter starts out in Shuichi's POV, because… well… I re-read volume 8 (the last reeeally plot-decent volume; all the rest were kinda thin on plot and heavy on comedy.) and there were some things I wanted to use. And it's not really a POV; it's a Journal Entry by Shuichi. And later is stuff from Eiri's POV, because I think it should be well established that they need each other! And there's some major foreshadowing in the end of Shuichi's journal. Care to guess what's in store? And, by the way, I know the Eiri POV is thin. I can't quite connect with him... Ehhhhn... _**

**_The song is "I Hate Everything About You" by Three Days Grace._ **

* * *

**Chapter Four: Recollection**

All I wanted… was to have my own moment. A moment where I could actually be happy… Just one moment!

I knew it would be hard to create this moment, but I knew as long as I worked hard, it'd get easier to go on with the knowledge that I was going to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life.

It got easier, much, much easier. Slowly, I could let myself forget everything I had back in Japan, and it didn't hurt so much to wake up in the morning. The days were everything was just so hard I couldn't stand even opening my eyes, and I would lie in bed all day, eyes closed, drifting in and out of sleep, soon disappeared. Gone too were the days where I just wanted to die, or sit and cry all day.

I stopped doing that at first because it worried everyone. Even Fujisaki got worried about me…

I let myself heal, and I used my music as an outlet for all those feelings that would sit on my chest and crush me. My music was my world. It kept me safe, and I sang, hoping that somehow it would reach his ears and he'd know how much he hurt me…

All I wanted was for him to come and apologize at first… Even though I said I was never going to see him again, I just wanted to get what I deserved! I wanted him to cry, at least one tear… Just one! He didn't even have to mean it, I just wanted to know that… he was human, and nothing we had was faked.

But after six months, he didn't show up. And I gave up.

This is when they put me on the pills, I was eighteen. I heard later on the news, after I had tried to slit my wrists a month later, that you should never give a teenager depression pills. I had an idiotic doctor…

I'm rambling, and I can't get my thoughts together… But after two more months, one in rehab, the other locked in my apartment, I began to mend.

I destroyed everything that had to do with Yuki. I deleted his phone number; I burned all the photographs, the books, even the clothes I had worn in his presence.

I then went and bought an entire new wardrobe, dyed my hair, and changed my music style. I dedicated myself to learning English, and became a citizen.

I re-created Shuichi Shindou. I would become the number one artist on the charts, and I would not care about Eiri Yuki. I would not love anyone ever again. It was too much work.

Still, I dedicated every CD to him, a small insert in the back of the lyric book in kanji, so no-one would know; I would write the same thing:

_To you, Eiri Yuki. _

_To you, who ruined me; _

_To you, who gave me success; _

_To you, who I love and hate_

_Though you may not feel the same…_

_To you, I dedicate this CD. _

It was poetic and pathetic, but it was how I felt. Y'know, I guess part of me still wanted him to pick up our CD in Japan and read it. I couldn't quite make up my mind…

But I 'forgot' all about him. I shoved every last memory into the very back of my mind, hopefully never to be accessed again.

I was still miserable! No matter what I did, I still dreamt of his face every freakin' night, I still sung my songs to him; I still wished I could feel him beside me as I slept! I can't forget him and it pisses me off so much! I forget things so easily, like melodies for songs I'm writing, or how to work my cell phone, but I can't forget the thing I want to forget….

And what makes me even madder at my self is… that… I still am very much in love with Eiri Yuki.

I realized that when I saw him at the Starbucks. I had the inexplicable urge to kiss his hand when I pulled it away from Hiro. I wanted to throw my arms around him and cry, and ask him to take me back, and make everything like they were…

And then I realized that I couldn't; that this man in front of me dumped me because Tohma Seguchi wanted it so.

And then I was mad. Not at Yuki, but at myself for being so foolish. So I yelled. I put all my anger, frustration, hurt, loneliness—everything—into that simple act.

Why I hit him, I don't know… It… just was one of those things that happen. If I see him again, I will be the bigger person and apologize for hurting him. I never truly did in the first place.

I would never really want to hurt Yuki… And that hurts me the most.

But then I manage to something worse… Something that will make me just like him. But I have to do it if I want my life back.

* * *

(Yuki) 

How could I have thought that I'd forget everything? I knew it wouldn't work.

Sighing, I flip on the television. It was showing some weird live music show. Normally, I would have turned it, but there, plain as day, was Shuichi.

He didn't even look the least bit frazzled. He sat calmly, smiling and answering questions smoothly, introducing some purple-haired punk, who had his arm around Shuichi.

Shuichi smiled, shaking the hostess's hand. He stepped onto stage with his band mates, who began to play some rock melody… Since when has Bad Luck been rock n' roll? I thought techno was Shuichi's "thing"; well other than running around like a complete moron, but that was just plain Shuichi.

I listen to the song, simply because I'm interested now:

"_Every time we lie awake,_

_After every hit we take,_

_Every feeling that I get,_

_But I haven't missed you yet._

_Every room we kept awake_

_By every silent scream we make,_

_All the feelings that I get,_

_But I still don't miss you yet;_

_Only when I stop to think about it…_

_**I hate everything about you!**_

_**Why do I love you?**_

_**I hate everything about you!**_

_**Why do I love you?**_

_Only when I stop to think about you_

_I know_

_And only when you stop to think about me_

_Do you know…_

_I hate everything about you!_

_Why do I love you?_

_You hate everything about me_

_Why do you love me?_

_I hate_

_You hate_

_I hate_

_You love me_

_**I hate everything about you!**_

_**Why do I love you**__?"_

I seem to stop blinking, I seem to stop breathing. Why the hell does this song affect me like that? Maybe it's because I think it was written for me? I get that feeling by the way Shuichi's singing. But then, I could just be hallucinating; it's happened before.

That thought's banished as the memory of Shuichi on the floor in that coffee place resurfaces. I want to puke… But, still…

I can't help but stare at him. He's completely different from what he was three years ago; he's different from what he was yesterday. Me? I'm still the same.

I can't help but to admit, I miss him. It's stupid beyond belief, but I wish I hadn't broken up with that brat. But Tohma gave his ultimatum. End of the line. I couldn't risk that punk getting screwed over by my brother-in-law. I don't know which would've broken him more: The loss of me or the loss of his musical career. (Or hell, the loss of his life! I knew what Tohma did to that punk Aizawa.)

But I can't help but think that I'm the bad guy here. For once in my rotten life I try to do something nice to that brat! Well, no good deed goes unpunished in this world.

Trying to give myself something to do, I open that CD of theirs. I flip through the lyrics. Shuichi has managed English very well… I wonder how that happened.

A small dedication catches my eye only because it's written in Japanese. I read it.

_To you, Eiri Yuki. _

_To you, who ruined me; _

_To you, who gave me success; _

_To you, who I love and hate_

_Though you may not feel the same…_

_To you, I dedicate this CD. _

I think… I will go to that concert.


	5. Chapter 5: Drummer

****

**_A/N: I've been through literal computer HELL. Bottom line was: It couldn't be fixed! The motherboard was burned out. My relative showed me the circuitry, and it was MELTED. He said it wasn't my fault, because the CPU was old. (Hell, I didn't care, it was a free computer, you know?) So, he got me a new CPU, and miraculously saved my hard drive and lo, here I am again! But I have totally learned my lesson, and I am forever more backing up EVERY thing on disks even if they're not finished. I couldn't stand not being able to write on this for a month. Sure, I could write on the other computer in the house, but it's the internet only comp for me (it's not mine, so therefore, I can't save bunches of junk on it.). It was… as I said, computer hell. So here I return, with the newest installment of Ricochet! I hope it was worth waiting for. Oh, and the next Dry Iced Coffee will be out soon, no worries._**

**_ANYWAY, about this chapter. Don't flame me after you read it, because if you go read the last chapter, you'll realize that this was planned to happen. No worries, there's still at least four more chapters ahead. Besides, I've put it as a YukixShu story, so. Yes, I am aware that I ripped that one scene from Gravitation 10; it fit, and that's my favorite scene from that book. It's been reworded and stuff, but the original idea belongs to Maki Murakami-sensei. And I am aware that this chapter's patchy. I intended for it to be this way. _**

**_The first song is "Breath" by, whom else? Breaking Benjamin! (Love them, their new CD, Phobia is what made me think of this story!) I have tweaked and rearranged the lyrics for literary purposes. Moro-moro makes no money off of them._**

* * *

**Chapter Five: Drummer**

Tsuki frowned, staring at Shuichi through the tinted glass in the recording studio. "He… really does write those songs for that man?"

Hiro looked up from his magazine. They were the only two in there, Reiji and K were in some big meeting, and Fujisaki was laying down tracks in another room. Some mixer they didn't know was doing the sound. "Yeah, he does. Most of them, anyway. Every now and again, some bigwig tells him to do a song, and he does 'em. He loves to sing, and he'd jump for the chance to be heard," Hiro said.

Tsuki frowned, eyes locked on Shuichi, who was still pouring his heart out onto his song… literally. He was shaking and silent tears ran down his cheeks as he sang song after song. "I ran into that Eiri Yuki person in the lobby… did Shuichi give him that bruise?"

Hiro smiled. "Yes…Yes, he did." Hiro seemed to be slightly proud of his friend.

"May I ask… what happened between those two? They were all the rage when I visited Japan four years ago."

Hiro sighed. "In a nutshell… Shuichi was head-over-heels in love with Yuki… Yuki _apparently_ didn't give a rat's ass; he broke up with Shuichi when our old boss told him to. Shuichi came here, and he thought Yuki'd come back for him, so he didn't take the XMR contract very seriously. Over in Japan, our old boss resigned and put our old producer on as the president, while he went and lived it up with Yuki everyday. SO it seemed. Eventually me and Fujisaki came over here, and Shuichi realized that Yuki was never going to come back for him. …For awhile, he gave up, but then he threw himself into his music. And so it goes until yesterday." The guitarist frowned. "I always thought that Yuki really did love Shuichi deep down, but… I'm not so sure anymore."

Tsuki frowned. "That's not right!" he turned his attention to Shuichi, who was still recording for the concert CD. This song seemed to be just a bit more emotional for the boy, because it looked like he was ready to just sob. But that's what made Bad Luck so great; they all put forth a bazillion-and-one percent effort on all their songs.

"…_I'm going all the way! _

_Get away, please! _

_You take the breath right out of me_

_You left a hole where my heart should be _

_You gotta fight just to make it through, _

'_Cause I will be the death of you! _

_This will be all over soon,_

_Pour the salt into the open wound._

_Is it over yet?! _

_Let me in! _

_So sacrifice yourself_

_And let me have what's left…_

_I'm waiting_

_I'm praying_

_Realize…" _

Hiro shrugged. "Life's not always what's right and what's wrong, there's a lot of grey in-between…" he mumbled remorsefully.

"I want… I want to make him better!"

Hiro surveyed the boy next to him. "You love him, don't you?"

Tsuki blushed. "I… yeah… I saw heard a live broadcast of a concert on the radio, and… I fell in love with his voice… Later, I actually got to see a concert, and… I… loved him even more. For the longest time, I didn't even know his name," he mumbled with a sheepish smile.

_Oh, god… it's a repeat! This is what happened to Shuichi!_ The redhead thought in horror. "… I don't think you have a chance," Hiro whispered. He felt sorry for the boy. "He won't let anyone—"

"Ahem! Hiro! Did the great rock god Shuichi every say you were worthy enough to talk about him?" Shuichi said, haughtily crossing his arms. "I demand that you apologize and lick my boots!" the young man demanded, raising a foot.

Hiro frowned, struggling to keep a straight face. "I'm so sorry, your majesty! How dare I let your name fall from my common lips?"

Tsuki looked back and forth between the two, then burst into laughter; Shuichi had a way of creating, then completely breaking a tense moment. Hiro followed suit.

Shuichi smiled. "_That's_ better. I can't stand tense atmospheres," he whined, waving his arms about. "It was so heavy in here I almost was crushed when I left the booth!"

Hiro chuckled. "I've gotta go, Shu," he said, clapping his friend on the shoulder. "More phone calls."

Shuichi smirked. "Hiroshi, you dog!" he exclaimed. He turned to Tsuki. "Then it leaves you and me for dinner, then Tsu-chan?"

"_Tsu-chan_?" Tsuki asked, wide-eyed.

"You've gotta have a nickname!" Shuichi declared, slinging his bag over his shoulder, waving at the mix-master. He pulled the bewildered Tsuki out the door, grinning stupidly. "Since we're the cute ones in the band, we have to have cute nicknames! I'm Shu-chan, and your Tsu-chan! We match!" he giggled.

Tsuki couldn't stand it. "Uhm, Shuichi, h-how much did you hear?"

Shuichi sighed. "… don't fall in love with me," he mumbled, shaking his head. He had hoped this conversation wouldn't take place.

"But I'm already in love with you! I fell in love at first sight!" Tsuki protested weakly, grief sinking into the pit of his stomach. He hadn't even confessed yet, and Shuichi was rejecting him.

"There's no such thing as love at first sight, kid!" Shuichi snapped, looking at Tsuki brazenly. "Trust me, I, if anyone does at all, know that!"

"It's different than what happened with you! I'd never do that to you, and you'd never do to me what that writer creep did you! I love you!" The purple haired drummer blurted.

Shuichi blinked, a heart-wrenching sadness creeping onto his face. "… Do you mean that?" he whispered.

"Yes! I do!" Tsuki said, tears threatening to fall down the boy's face.

Shuichi was silent for a long while. Slowly, he reached out and laid a hand on the new drummer's face, leaning forward. "Maybe if someone says that they love me… I can love them in time," he whispered, laying his lips against Tsuki's.

Tsuki blinked, turning the brightest shade of red imaginable. But through his euphoria of being kissed by Shuichi, he realized blankly that there was something wrong…

* * *

Eiri Yuki was pissed. He had never been this angry in his life. He, in fact, was so mad, that you could probably roast marshmallows off of the aura he was emitting. 

The still rational side of his mind reasoned that Shuichi had every right to be kissing some brat, son-of-a-bitch drummer in the middle of a hallway in the middle of working hours…_Where he could be found_.

Yuki cracked his knuckles dangerously, pounding on the keys of his laptop as he furiously tried to write the next chapter of his newest novel.

"Oh, screw it!" Yuki hissed, slamming his laptop shut as he realized he was typing the same thing over and over again. "I'm going to…"

Yuki sank, sighing heavily. He had no right to do anything anymore. It wasn't like Shuichi was cheating on him…

But he was still mad.

Or was it jealousy that burned so fiercely inside of him?

* * *

Shuichi smiled, placing a dumpling on his lips, licking the soy sauce off of it. "Sorry that was all so sudden on you, Tsu-chan. You looked like you were going to die in the cab." 

Tsuki shook his head. "I'm fine!" Shuichi raised an eyebrow at the boy, and he shook his head furiously. "Really!"

Shuichi smiled. "I really would like to go out with you Tsuki. I mean, you are in love with me!" he exclaimed. "And I did kiss you, after all!"

Tsuki blushed, staring down into his rice. "Well… I… okay," he mumbled shyly.

"Yay!" Shuichi chimed. He leaned over the table and placed sticky lips to Tsuki's cheek. "This will be our first date!"

Tsuki nodded, dumbstruck.

* * *

"What the hell do you mean _bumped_?" Shuichi hissed, staring down Reiji dangerously. 

Reiji sighed angrily. "Don't take it out on me," she snapped, whacking Shuichi out of her space with a nearby phonebook. "Somebody overbooked on us."

"We're the bigger label!"

"Yeah, but that company's doing a fundraiser," K said with a shrug. "That's how it works in America."

Shuichi sank back into his seat with a frustrated groan. "I can't believe that they're screwing with our music like that!"

"That's a rotten attitude to have, Shu," Tsuki mumbled, looking over at his boyfriend of one week.

Shuichi blinked, then gave a sweet smile. "I guess you're right," he laughed. "Sorry."

The black-haired singer rose. "Let's practice our asses off until next month!"

Everyone laughed.

* * *

"But tell me again, Eiri-san, why are you staying in America? Normally you'd be back as soon as possible," Tohma commented dryly. One could almost hear his smile across the international phone lines. 

Yuki gave an irritated sigh. "I told you. Things over here have gone crazy, they need me to stay."

Tohma chuckled. "No, no, XMR's contacted me to say everything has run smoothly… though, I have heard that a certain idol's concert has been postponed…"

Yuki hung up on his brother-in-law then and there.

The novelist lay back on his hotel bed, sighing. He wanted to go to Shuichi's concert; it was something he should have done a long time ago.

He knew that Shuichi would never know he was there at all, but… he still wanted to hear what the kid had to say.

* * *

The next month passed slowly for Shuichi. He found himself seeing Yuki more and more around XMR, which was odd, Tsuki had told him that the novelist's contract was over. 

He wrote through sleepless nights, and he sang through the days, stress building up on the singer.

It became habitual for Shuichi to pop three or more pain killers every hour or so. When asked, he shrugged, saying he had a migraine.

"Hey, Nakano… don't you think there's something odd about Shuichi right now?" Suguru said, leaning against the wall.

Hiro sighed, lighting a cigarette. "In which area?"

"Tsuki."

"Hmn…" Hiro shook his head. "Well… I think it's a little less than sincere there…"

Suguru sighed and shrugged. "He's way too strung out right now…"

"I wouldn't be surprised if he collapsed at the concert tomorrow night," Hiro said darkly, flicking the ash of the end of his cigarette.


	6. Chapter 6: Concert

__

_**A/N: I used a lot of songs in this chapter… If it's possible, I suggest going and listening to them so you get the mood! This chapter… ugh… I hope it's not as much of a pain to read as it was to write. School has commenced its torture, and the only thing keeping me sane is copious amounts of **_Invader Zim_** and writing. I thought I already had this chapter half written before the beginning of the school year, but I didn't, so I ended up writing it at one in the morning after doing Algebra2, French3, and an in depth questioning on Pygmalion. :twitches: (Ugh.) So, enjoy the fruits of my suffering! (I wonder, who actually reads these anymore? They just keep getting longer… And I almost never talk about the chapter… hmm… I wonder if I say something **__**really**__** weird, will anyone notice…? … **__**CLOWN TAQUITOS!**__** There… I wonder if anyone notices…) **_

Also, I got a review asking me to hurry up with the ending... Uh, well... We're not anywhere close to it. I love this story, so it'll be going for a bit. But! To you people who want to see a Yuki/Shu love scene, your waiting will not last too long... But after that, it's back to angsting.

_**The songs here are "You" and "Evil Angel" by Breaking Benjamin, and "So Far Away" by Crossfade. Lyrics have been rearranged and tweaked for literary purposes.** _

* * *

**Chapter Six: Concert**

Shuichi anxiously fluffed his hair in front of the mirror. He didn't feel good. The world swam in front of his eyes, and he could feel himself breaking into a cold sweat.

Tsuki laid a hand on Shuichi's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Shuichi smiled. "I'm just a little nervous. This is our biggest concert of the year!"

Tsuki fidgeted a little, chuckling anxiously. "I'm nervous too," he admitted softly.

Hiro stepped into the dressing room. "Time to go on."

Shuichi smiled softly, and led Tsuki off.

* * *

Bad Luck was greeted with enthusiastic cheers and screams. 

Shuichi stepped in front of his microphone. "Wow! Guys, just pop my eardrums out here! I guess you were as anxious as I was about this concert?!"

A loud roar met Shuichi's ears.

He laughed amiably waving at them to be quiet. "Wow, wow, wow!" he chuckled. "I love you guys too! But… for everyone who loves you… there has to be someone who doesn't," he said softly. "You try to get into their life, but it just doesn't work! So what do you do? Lie to yourself for them!"

Music started up behind Shuichi's introduction.

The raven-haired boy closed his eyes and began to sing.

"_My hands are broken_

_And time is going on and _

_On it goes forever_

_So I got high and_

_Lived all that life_

_That I had taken all _

_For granted… _

_Forgive me_

_My love_

_I stand here all alone_

_And I can see the bottom… _

_Promise me you'll _

_Try to leave it all behind_

'_Cause I've elected hell_

_Lying to myself…_

_Why have I gone blind_

_And live another life? _

_You…"_

Up in the balcony, Yuki sighed softly. He already regretted coming. He vaguely wondered if he could leave now that his suspicions about song dedications were confirmed; but as much as he loathed being here, he wanted to stay and watch Shuichi in his element…

Something he should have done long before, really.

There was also the problem of the way Shuichi looked.

He was pale and looking a little green around the gills.

Yuki huffed, listening to another intro to another song; something about making yourself order to run away so you can face the pain… Crap that Yuki thought he'd only hear in romance novels. Nevertheless, he listened to what Shuichi had to say… Because he was sure it was aimed at him:

"_I've been changing, but you will never see me now. _

_I've been changing, but you will never see me now. _

_Now I'm blaming you for everything! _

_No more holding it in! _

_How many years can I pretend?_

_That nothing ever goes the way it should! _

_No more sitting in this place_

_Hoping you might see it my way_

_Because I don't think you ever understood… _

_Never looking back on this anymore! _

_I'm so far away_

_I've been changing _

_I'm so far away! _

_Now I'm blaming you for everything! _

_Hey, hey! _

_Watch me wave goodbye to yesterday!_

_Nothing left in my way_

_Hey, hey_

_I've been saved_

_With sun shining on my pain! _

_Hey, hey! _

_Watch me wave goodbye to yesterday!_

_Nothing left in my way!_

_Feels so good to say, _

_I'm so far away!_"

Far away was right… From what he had seen of the black-haired pop star, Shuichi had pushed every one away… Even that purple haired twerp he was seeing.

Eiri Yuki suddenly had an understanding of what Shuichi went through three years ago… If only he knew that he was about comprehend even more….

* * *

_Last song, Shu… last song… _Shuichi wearily thought to himself. He felt his legs wobble from under his own weight and his stomach do queasy back flips. "An angel when sleeping, a devil when awake…" he murmured, tightening his shaking hands around the mic. 

"_Hold it together…_" he could feel himself falling apart on stage. Shaking his dizziness away, he opened his mouth to sing the next line, pushing the music from his throat.

"_Birds of a feather_

_Nothing but lies and crooked wings_

_I have the answer_

_Spreading the cancer_

_You are the faith inside me_

_And no_

_Don't leave me to die here_

_Help me survive here,_

_Alone_

_Don't_

_Don't remember_

_Remember…_

_And no_

_Don't leave me to die here_

_Help me survive here,_

_Alone_

_Don't_

_Surrender_

_Surrender_

_Oh_

_Put me to sleep _

_Evil angel_

_Open your wings_

_Evil angel_

_Fly over me _

_Evil angel! _

_Why can't I breathe _

_Evil angel?_"

Shuichi gasped for breath, trying to desperately catch his second wind as the guitar break echoed through the screaming crowd.

"_Put me to sleep evil angel…_" He was sleepy; his body was tired from those insomniac nights. He felt as he would surely collapse on stage… From exhaustion… From lack of oxygen: his chest was tight and he was struggling for each breath. How funny… there was a lot of black floating around, too…

"_Open your wings evil angel…_

_Oh, Fly over me evil angel…._

_Why can't I breathe evil angel…_"

"I can't breathe…!" The singer gasped, coughing violently as he slumped onto the stage floor. He blearily noticed that blood was spraying out of his mouth before succumbing to the blackness that swirled in the corners of his vision.

"_**SHUICHI!" **_


	7. Chapter 7: Hospital

_A/N: I did a really bad cliff-hanger! Not in the bad, good cliff-hanger way, but bad as in, I couldn't figure what else to write and keep the air of suspense! Heehee, oops! _

**The songs are: "Break My Fall" and "Here We Are" by Breaking Benjamin, "Let That Be Enough" by Switchfoot, and "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance. **

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Hospital**

Eiri was getting annoyed. _Very _annoyed. Finally, he slammed his hands down on the counter, glowering at the poor female behind it. "Look. I want to see Shuichi Shindou!" he growled. "I am not some fanatical worshiper of his music! I am his _lover_! He friggin' dedicates all his songs to me!" he hissed.

Sure he was lying through his teeth, but if it worked, it worked. And it worked. The girl stammered out Shuichi's room number, silently adding "But visiting hours are over sir" to no avail.

Yuki stalked down the glistening white hallways, the smell of astringent and lemons making his nose wrinkle and his eyes water. He ran his hands through his hair in irritation.

He paused. Why _was_ he irritated?

_Because that brat gave me a heart attack. _Yuki ground his teeth and continued down the corridor.

Again, he paused. Why _did_ his heart stop when Shuichi collapse on stage?

Yuki rolled his eyes. "More importantly, why am I giving myself the third degree in the middle of a hospital hall?" he muttered.

Standing there, another errant question floated into conscious being. Why was he even bothering himself to see someone he had desperately avoided for three years?

Even more, less important questions swirled about in the novelist's normally clear mind.

The man rubbed his temples, feeling a headache surface. He wished an answer would wander its way into his head, just to make all the stupid questions go away.

A couple passed by, and the word 'love' was heard as they walked past Eiri.

He blinked. "_Hell_ no," he muttered.

But somewhere, from all the years of being a romance novelist, deep in his mind… very deep in his mind, acknowledged the fact. And had acknowledged it a long time ago.

It was a reasonable answer, that part reasoned. That's why you're acting this way now. That's why you've avoided him, and that's why you dumped him in the first place. Love.

Yuki mentally slapped himself. Love, duh. He knew that all along… Of course he did… _**not**_.

Now, Eiri Yuki wasn't a man that had many major epiphanies. But this, this would have to be the biggest one he had in his entire life.

Like the true skeptic that he was, he shook it off, and continued walking down the hall.

"200, 202, 204, 206, 208… 210," Yuki counted under his breath until he reached Shuichi's room.

He laid a hand on the handle, and prepared himself to go in.

Then he heard Shuichi's voice. It was soft and almost inaudible, but it was more powerful than any CD recording or live concert.

"_I fought you once, but not again_

_Let me feel your heavy hand…_

_I am loosing you again_

_Let me out and let me in_

'_Cause you're not alone here_

_Not at all,_

_Let me belong here_

_Break my fall_!"

Yuki gently pushed open the door, making noise at all. Stepping in, only as far as the doorway, he surveyed Shuichi.

The boy sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, holding his pillow tightly. His eyes were closed, dark rings on the skin underneath. His skin was ghostly white, and he had an IV hooked up to him. Every now and again, his voice would catch and he'd fall into fits of racking coughs, but he'd always return back to singing.

His music was playing through the TV, and he was singing along, in a high, frail voice. He sounded like he would break into pieces.

The song changed over.

"_Sing it for me, _

_I can't erase the stupid things I say, _

_You wouldn't like me_

_I struggle just to find a better way. _

_So here we are_

_Fighting and _

_Trying to hide the scars, _

_I'll be home tonight, _

_Take a breath and softly say goodbye_

_The lonely road_

_The one that I _

_Should try and walk alone_

_I'll be home tonight _

_Take a breath and softly say goodbye. _

_So why are you so eager to betray?_

_Pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up. _

_So why are you the one that walks away? _

_Pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up…_

_Goodbye_…"

Yuki stepped into the room, the door clicking neatly shut behind him. For a moment, he wondered if Shuichi was too caught into the music to notice. So, he ignored the boy, and looked up at the television to catch the name of the song.

Then he heard a soft gasp. He looked at the boy from the corner of his eye. Shuichi had continued on singing, like he hadn't noticed the man at all.

"_So here we are, _

_Fighting and_

_Trying to hide the scars_…"

His voice was wavering dangerously, and his face showed faint desperation. The song ended a few minutes later. Shuichi let the pillow fall.

Yuki took a step forward. "I know you know I'm here. Don't screw with me, Shuichi."

Shuichi closed his eyes tighter, and his look of despair increased. As the next song started, he brought shaking hands up to his chin, clasped tightly together, like his song was a prayer.

"_Wish I had what I needed _

_To be on my own_

_Because I feel so defeated_

_And I'm feeling alone_—"

"Shuichi!" Yuki snapped, leaning over the boy. He wanted to grab him and shake him of his delicateness and innocence. He wanted the screaming Shuichi back, or the Shuichi that was on stage… any of them, just not this one. "Look at me!" This was more irritating than him collapsing.

Shuichi… he kept on singing.

"_And all I see_

_It could never make me happy…_

_Let me know you hear me_

_Let me know your touch_

_Let me know that you love me_

_And let that be enough_…"

Yuki growled as a tear ran down Shuichi's cheek. "Shut up, dammit! I hear you, I've heard your stupid songs, I've seen your dedication, and I've been to your concert! I even saw you fall apart on stage! I know, I know! Stop!" he shouted, grabbing a hold of the boy and slammed his lips onto Shuichi's to silence the boy's incessant singing.

Shuichi weakly pressed his palms to Yuki's chest, whimpering as he tried to push the man away.

Yuki pulled away and he tightened his grip on the singer's shoulders.

Shuichi winced slightly. "You're hurting me," he whispered, looking up at the writer, tears welling in his eyes. "Let go."

Yuki loosened his grip, knowing all too well it was more than Shuichi's body he was hurting.

Shuichi twisted away, turning his back to Yuki. "S-s-so many b-bright li-lights to cast a sh-shadow… Bu-but can I s-speak? I-is it h-hard un-understanding th-that I'm in-incomplete?" he sang. He wasn't even going along with what was playing on the speakers.

"Shuichi listen to me."

"No."

"Shuichi, please, listen to me."

"No."

"Look, dammit, I risked a lot to come here, and—"

Shuichi swirled around, the rage quite evident in his eyes. "AND?!" he hissed, his voice high and frail. "Do you want to tell me that you've suddenly realized you've been in love this entire time and you want to sweep me off my feet?!" he asked, sharply jerking his arms away.

Yuki looked uncomfortable. "Well, yes, actually," he muttered.

Shuichi looked taken aback. Yuki could see the gears turning in his eyes, the tears that threatened to spill, and the sheer longing that the revelation brought upon. "Well," the black-haired boy said diplomatically, "It is far too late."

"Excuse me?"

"It seems to me that you're too late, Yuki. I already have moved on; I have a new lover."

Yuki growled and grabbed Shuichi by the front of his hospital robes. "What," he hissed.

"My drummer and I," Shuichi said, painfully calm.

Something inside Yuki snapped. He knew that they had been dating… but lovers?! "So… you've… _slept _with that guy?"

"That guy's name is Tsuki; and yes. I have," Shuichi said softly. He saw the anger in his ex's eyes. This was what he wanted. Even if he had to lie to get there. _Yes, please, Yuki. Get mad… leave. Please leave… Without me. _

"You belong to _me_," the author seethed, pushing Shuichi onto his back.

"No. I don't."

Yuki felt his heart fill with dread. Surely Shuichi still loved him. He leaned forward, pressing his lips desperately to the vocalist's.

Much to his surprise, he found the boy kissing back, tears wetting both of their cheeks.

He pulled away, frowning gently as he wiped away the sudden tears. "Why are you crying?"

Shuichi shook his head, reaching up to pull Yuki back down against his mouth. "Doesn't matter," he mumbled against the older man's lips.

* * *

"That bruise…" Shuichi mumbled his voice slow and low. He sounded drugged and dazed. 

Yuki looked up, frowning. "What?"

Shuichi squirmed slightly, Yuki's breath tickling his stomach. "The bruise I gave you that day…"

"Oh. What about it?"

"How long did it stay there?" Shuichi propped himself up onto his elbows.

Yuki sighed. "I don't know," he mumbled, dropping his lips back down against the vocalist's skin.

Shuichi hummed happily. "You do know, I bet…" he mumbled, lying back down.

Yuki shrugged. "I didn't count," he admitted. "A week or two…"

Shuichi sighed. "I'm sorry," he whispered, lazily reaching out to twine his fingers into his ex-lover's hair.

* * *

Shuichi gave a sad whimper, feeling Yuki slide out and away from him. He reached out piteously, trying to locate the novelist in the dark. 

Yuki sighed softly, gently grabbing Shuichi's hand. "I'm not leaving. Just getting dressed," he mumbled. He slowly put the boy's hand back down onto the sheets, getting out of the bed.

"I… don't trust you," the vocalist mumbled, coughing slightly. He shifted, and turned on the light next to his bed.

Yuki blinked against the sudden light, pausing in the action of buttoning his shirt.

Shuichi lay on the bed, sprawled against the sheets, his hair sticking damply to his pale face. He blinked impishly up at Yuki. "Okay," he said. "Now I do."

Yuki sighed. "Here I was thinking you'd changed. Idiot."

Shuichi's face fell, and he sighed sadly. "And I thought you had, too…"

"Yeah, right."

Yuki watched sadly as Shuichi frowned. He wished he could tell the singer that he had changed, but… it'd be a lie. One could only do so much with an epiphany.

"It's a one night deal, right, Yuki?" Shuichi watched unhappily as his ex-lover nodded. He reached out to Yuki, silently begging for contact.

Yuki leaned down, feeling Shuichi's thin arms wrap tightly around his shoulders.

"I can deal with that, Eiri Yuki… So for tonight, change just for me," Shuichi whispered, pulling the blonde man onto him.

_Yes_, Yuki decided, _For tonight, I can deal. _


	8. Chapter 8:Loosely Lover, Title Page Name

_**A/N:sigh: This chapter… Oh, gosh, I miraculously saved it from being a filler. I decided to go with the same 'everyone's changed!' realization that Shuichi had in… volume… eleven? I think…. Uh… But anyway, yeah. It barely got saved from boring filler-dom. **_

The songs are: "Over and Over" by Three Days Grace and "Who I am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K.

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Loosely Lover; Title Page Name**

_(Shuichi)_

_I kinda knew it was too good to be true… One night of happiness… _

_Who wasn't to say that it wasn't all a dream? _

_Oh, right… Tsuki. He said that a nurse reported to K or Reiji that Eiri really did come barging into the hospital. _

_I think that's really actually funny. It's like our roles got reversed for a moment there. Déjà vu… _

_Nevertheless, I felt like I got transported back in time. My mind tried to erase everything related to him, but my body… it still remembers everything… _

_And this time, I __**can't**_

* * *

Shuichi pressed his forehead against the cool glass, sighing. He stared out at the crowed sidewalk beside him, the window separating him from the thousands that walked the New York sidewalks. Thousands of people that he would never know, and never would connect to; some of them would only hear strains of his music, and never think of him again… 

"What are you thinking about, Shu?" Hiro asked as he slid Shuichi's food across the table.

"… Just things," the vocalist murmured, tucking his bangs behind his ears. He picked up a few french-fries and munched on the absently, still staring out the window.

Hiro was busy drinking his soda when he got sprayed with partly chewed fries. "Hey, what?!"

Bad Luck's singer was currently choking, staring completely stunned out the window. "Excuse me," he gasped, rushing out of the café.

He ran down the sidewalk, pushing people carelessly out of the way, until he reached the crosswalk.

There, standing at least half-a-head above the rest of the people, was none other than Eiri Yuki.

Shuichi was aghast.

_He's still here! Why the hell is he still here?! I… he…_

The light changed green, and Yuki moved across the street with the crowd, not even taking notice of the befuddled and emotionally-unstable singer.

* * *

"So you saw him on the sidewalk…?" Tsuki asked, leaning slightly over his drum set.

Technically, Bad Luck was on hiatus. Shuichi couldn't sing for long periods of time, and screaming was completely off limits. But, music was just something Shuichi couldn't give up, so he begged for permission to still sing and record. Now they were stuck performing songs on television, and building up songs for their new records. Of which, Bad Luck had enough recordings built up from the last three months to make at least four CDs.

Shuichi nodded. "I saw him. And then yesterday, I saw him at the café downstairs! And the day before that, he was in the grocery store I walk by when I go home!"

Tsuki raised a disapproving eyebrow. "And has he noticed you at all?"

"No…"

"I think you're seeing things, Shuichi," the drummer concluded.

The raven-haired singer whined softly. "No, but… I swear…"

"Do you still love him?"

Shuichi's violet eyes went suddenly wide. He was silent for a long moment, before answering; "No… I… I was nothing to him… Loosely—and I mean so loose a llama could untie that knot…"

Tsuki made a face; Shuichi never made any sense at all with his metaphoric language.

"… I was his lover. Loosely, though," Shuichi concluded.

Tsuki grew silent, observing the skin under his nails resolutely.

Shuichi sighed; he knew he had just upset the boy. He leaned forward and gave Tsuki a quick, gentle hug and kiss. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No… just that… it upsets me…"

Shuichi bit his lip. Well, _of course_ it upset him. "Let's rock out, that'll make you feel better. Then you can come home with me?"

The vocalist didn't even wait for an answer. He turned to the mic and cued up the music.

* * *

Shuichi sighed softly, feeling like a complete and total whore. It wasn't even funny how bad he felt at the moment. He sat up, squinting in the darkness. He reached out and pulled on his tee-shirt, walking quietly to his window. He pulled open the curtain and moonlight filled the room, illuminating the scene he hoped Eiri would never see or hear of: 

Tsuki lay, back towards Shuichi on the bed, quite obviously naked under the covers.

With a sigh, Shuichi walked into his kitchen and made himself a drink. He stared at the book that he had bought a few days ago.

There was no title, except for that good old, witty

_INSERT TITLE HERE_

on the title inset. What was bigger was the name, embossed in shiny black print.

_Written by: _

_**Eiri Yuki**_

Shuichi never really had read, or bought any of Yuki's books. He listened to plot layouts from Yuki, critiqued them only to have his lover ignore the ideas, but use them later when his editor said the same thing. That kind of always bugged Shuichi, so he never bothered buying them… But this book…

It reminded him of… well, himself and Yuki. The dust cover was a shocking pink—the same bubblegum pop pink that Shuichi's hair used to be. The hard cover was a deep coffee color that instantly reminded the singer of Yuki.

The summary, well, he didn't read it.

Biting his lip softly, Shuichi slowly opened the book, the spine crackling softly. And he began to read…

By page 40, he felt like crap. By page 100, he was crying.

Finally, he finished the book, and opened it up to the dedication page; he always looked at those last. He expected a thank-you note to the editor, blah, blah, blah… He didn't however get his hopes up for what he wanted to expect. But there it was, in plain type. Just like Shuichi's songs were written for Yuki, Yuki wrote his books for Shuichi: especially this one.

For Shuichi Shindou, who is an absolute idiot…

Who without this book would not exist,

Along with the plot, and the characters inside of it.

One day, I hope you will read this book

(But I doubt it; you've never read more than manga)

But I hope that this book speaks to you most of all,

And I hope that I can keep my promise.

"How... chatty," he whispered, wipping away tears.

Shuichi hated himself after that. He stared in the mirror that the sink created and loathed his reflection, black hair, pale skin, bags under his eyes, piercing in his ears… Everything.

But mostly, he hated the whining brat he had become. Every bad thing that Yuki had ever said was true, and now seeing how Yuki himself had changed—for the better at that!—made him think that he may just have wasted three years moping.

"Oh, fuck that!" he hissed to his reflection. "Shuichi Shindou's makin' a comeback!"

* * *

"_I feel it everyday, _

_It's all the same;_

_It brings me down_

_But I'm the one to blame_

_I've tried everything to get away_

_So here I go again_

_Chasing you down again_

_**Why do I do this?! **_

_It feels like everyday _

_Stays the same_

_It's dragging me down _

_And I can't pull away_

_So here I go again_

_Chasing you down again_

_**Why do I do this?! **_

_Over and over_

_Over and over_

_I fall for you_

_Over and over_

_Over and over_

_I try not to! _

_Over and over_

_Over and over_

_You make me fall for you_

_Over and Over _

_Over and over_

_You don't even try! _

_So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head_

_I try to live without you_

_Every time I do_

_I feel dead_

_I know what's best for me_

_But I want you instead_

_I'll keep on wasting all my time…"_

Yuki sighed, leaning back against his coffee table. Smoke spiraled in a toxic stream from his lips as he pressed his cigarette into the saucer he had next to him.

It all annoyed him so much. That song, those songs, those shows, this job, that job, this apartment, his loft, that hospital… His regret.

That sidling, smoldering guilt in his gut that reminded the novelist that he was human, and that he had more emotions than he would like to admit. This song, Shuichi's new single, probably increased this awareness of his feelings by at least ten fold.

In the months that had past Yuki had decided to once again endure the city. He went and rented himself a loft down in the swanky part of town. He bought himself a television and a radio, and decided to live.

Simple as that. He still wrote his books, but now they were published in two languages. He still smoked, except now it was up to two cartons a day. He still was nasty around people, but he still harbored a soft spot for a certain rock star…

Except now it was just a little softer.

* * *

**(One month later:) **

Shuichi flashed a peace sign at the camera, flipping back vibrant pink hair. "Start the music, Fujisaki!" he cried happily, picking up the mic, ready to completely sell the world to his epiphany.

"_I watch the proverbial sunrise,_

_Coming up over the Pacific End, _

_You might think I'm loosing my mind, _

_But I will shy away from the specifics, _

_Cause I don't want you to know where I am, _

_Cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been… _

_Stop right there! _

_That's exactly where I lost it! _

_See that line?_

_Well, I never should have crossed it!_

_Stop right there! _

_Well I never should have said that_

_It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back! _

_I'm sorry for_

_The person I became_

_I'm sorry that_

_It took so long for me to change_

_I'm ready to _

_Try and never become that way again, _

_Because_

_Who I am hates who I've been_

_Who I am hates who I've been…" _


	9. Chapter 9: Discretionary Lovers

**_A/N: Ah, Tsuki… I love him so much. He's just like me. Lied to and manipulated by someone you loved. Actually, his dialogue to Shuichi is from a few notes that I wrote to the person that hurt me. He is so much braver than I am... :sighs: _**

**_NOTE: Supposed to be choppy. To be filled in with flashbacks in chapter ten when… oh, that would be spoilers if I told you!_

* * *

**

**Chapter Nine: Meeting and Discretionary Lovers**

Tsuki sighed, going through his iPod. Finally, he gave up, not finding a song fitting to his mood.

He felt as if something bad were going to happen… It was a very unpleasant feeling.

He stopped, looking around. Central Park. Just the place he felt he should be. Tsuki smiled, pocketing his iPod and ear buds. He closed his eyes and hummed, walking contentedly around.

It was late spring, and a very nice breeze was wafting through the trees, making the day a very appealing one.

Sometimes, Tsuki thought, the city is an alright place.

He brushed his hair back into his hat, strolling down the seemingly endless sidewalk.

The day was peaceful; mothers took their toddlers out for strolls, lovers walked hand in hand. It was enjoyable, and seemingly unbreakable.

That was until Tsuki spotted a certain blonde somebody sitting and listening to a CD.

"OI!" He burst out. Tsuki never was good at keeping in outbursts.

Eiri Yuki looked up, instantly recognizing Tsuki. "_You_." The word seemed to reek with hatred, and it was practically spat.

"You're that bastard!" Tsuki exclaimed. He scowled instantly, this was that guy that Shuichi had been hung up over!!!

Yuki raised an eyebrow slowly, peering at the boy from over his glasses. "This _bastard_… has a name, kid."

"I don't think you deserve a name at all!"

Yuki rolled his eyes. This kid and Shuichi were a lot alike. Slowly he stood, brushing his pants off as he did so. "I don't particularly like you either, brat."

Tsuki gave a soft growl. "Just as rude as I thought you'd be! It would take a lot for Shuichi to hate someone; now I see why!"

Yuki frowned, staring at the purple-haired boy for a moment. "Did he say he hated me?" he asked, his voice sounding a little hurt.

"Not explicitly," Tsuki mumbled in the manner of a child being caught in the cookie jar. "Just… highly inferred."

"I gathered that from the hospital, I suppose…"

"Hospital? You were at the hospital?"

Eiri scowled at the drummer. "Of course. The night he was admitted."

Tsuki's eyes went wide. That's when Shuichi had started acting oddly. "Wh-what… happened?"

He was nervous, but he didn't expect anything big. Just a little argument, that's what he wanted. But somewhere deep down, deep in his gut—his instinct—told him differently.

"You don't want to know. You're his… _lover_… right?"

Tsuki gave a weak nod and swallowed dryly. "Does that mean you slept with him?"

"Yes," Yuki said shortly.

Tsuki gave a soft gasp, his hands shaking slightly. "You're lying… You're lying!"

And with that, the drummer turned on his heel and ran.

* * *

Hiro scowled deeply at his best friend. He didn't like what he was hearing. "… And then that night at the hospital, huh? What are you doing to Tsuki. … You're using him, aren't you?" 

Shuichi stared blankly at the wall. "Yeah. I feel really bad about it. But at the time… I thought…"

"That he would help you forget Yuki?"

The once-again-pink haired singer nodded dully. "Yeah."

Hiro stood, eyeing his friend in distaste. "Tell him."

"I am."

* * *

The air was quiet in Shuichi's apartment. The two men stood opposite in the sitting room, the atmosphere no lightened by the harsh halogen lights and the absence of the normally soothing music. Neither made a move to speak until… 

"I spoke to Yuki… did you two—"

Emotionless, Shuichi cut him off. "Yes."

"Were you—"

Again, Tsuki was cut off before the question was even half-formed. "I was using you. Yes."

Tsuki stared blankly at Shuichi for a long time. Then, as the news sank in, he began to cry.

Softly at first, but it soon grew into violent, body-shaking sobs that was more wails and heartbroken snuffling than actually tears. The boy hunched over, crying until his legs grew weak and he fell to the ground. He choked on his sobs, coughing and spluttering as he tried not to hyperventilate.

All in all, not a pretty sight.

Shuichi bit his lip, shuffling softly.

After a long time, Tsuki calmed enough to talk.

"Y-you… You led me on! You lied!"

Shuichi stared resolutely at the ground, his face or eyes betraying no emotion.

"That's not fair! That's not fair at all! Why did you even let me think that I had a chance!? Why? It's not fair! I've liked you for years!! Why did you lead me on?! Why did you let me think that I had even the slightest chance?! If this was your intentions all along, then why? You're a manipulative bastard, that's what you are! Do you even realize how utterly stupid and worthless I feel right now!? I bet you don't! Am I so little to you that you can just lead me on like that?! I feel so _humiliated_ right now, I want to just die. Why did you let me do all this? Why!? Did you like the attention, having little naïve Tsuki wrapped around your finger? Did you like seeing me make a fool of myself?!" Tsuki took a deep breath, suddenly growing cold. "You have made me feel utterly humiliated, stupid, and an absolute fool. You have manipulated me until I was twisted around your finger, but you know that, don't you? I feel stupid for chasing after you for so long. I am a fool for thinking I had a chance with you, and now I feel humiliated, because now I have to tell all those people who cheered me on that I got shot down for your ex." Then, finally finished, he raised his hand and slapped Shuichi... hard.

The vocalist dropped his head, and he hollowly asked, "…Are you finished?"

"Yes… with this _and_ the band."


	10. Chapter 10: Self Doubting Regrets

_**A/N: This chapter is completely Tsuki's POV; it almost has the tone of my story "I Wish on a Falling Star". I wasn't going to do this chapter, but I felt it necessary, and in my current mental state, nothing story-line wise is possible. I apologize. I'll take one request to make up for it. I'm sorry guys, I've just been copping out all over the place. Tsuki sings "Starless" by Crossfade. **_

_**This chapter, as is the case with the story Redundant, is dedicated to Lea, whom I doubt will ever read this.

* * *

**_

**Chapter 10: Self-Doubted Regrets**

I always thought it was unhealthy. It was almost borderline obsession, and I always wondered if I had crossed the line of stalker at points. My friends turned a blind eye to this, but when I finally accepted it myself, they all met me with blank stares and choruses of 'duhs'.

With someone I could never truly reach, I had fallen in love. Devastating to myself, really. Because, you see, this person I had fallen in love with, had someone else.

(And they were a celebrity. But I just ignored that.)

And they seemed to be happy.

(I don't really know them for myself at the time, they were unobtainable still.)

I told myself, however, that I would work hard enough and be a good person, as well as a drummer; I could possibly match to a tiny speck of their being… Meet him, maybe. Maybe. Maybe…

Maybe one day…

I repeated it in my head, over and over, and it kinda helped. Made me feel just a little bit stronger. So I worked hard, and I waited.

(The start of this endless cycle.)

I waited to get accepted into the music world, I waited to become good enough, I waited patiently when I found out that he was here. In America, at the place where I was. I waited for him to see my love, and I waited when I told him. I waited for him to love me.

I waited as he got better. I waited as we ate together, I waited as we were together day by day. I waited as he slept next to me. I waited, I waited, I waited.

(If you continually wait, they don't care if they don't wait back.)

He said he liked me, he said he cared. He said I was important. He said, he dictated, he _claimed_.

I was happy. I was so so so happy! I couldn't get my smile off of my face; I walked around grinning like a complete doofus! I thought that he really had forgotten that other person, but something deep inside of me ate and ate away.

(Trust your gut, children.)

I was kind of upset to realize that the someone else had visited, but he smiled and said that he liked me.

I was happy again.

(I was blind, so blind.)

And then it all came crashing. Halting. It just stopped with such a crash, that even now, months later, I'm still reeling. I'm still crying, I'm still waiting!

(Even now I'm waiting…)

He never said sorry, he never did! No tears fell from his eyes, no guilt showed in his face, nothing! NOTHING!

(So dumb, I'm so dumb.)

I don't think he ever liked me at all. In fact I'm sure that there wasn't even a shred of care in the actions he made. I was nothing to him as a person. I was a tissue. To be used, then thrown away when the one that he truly loved came back.

And now, I can't escape. I can't escape this heartache, I can't escape this humiliation. I can't escape. It hurts so badly. I see him every day, I hear him every night. I can't escape. I still dream, I still listen to the music, I still cherish everything he ever said to me.

I can't help it. I chased after him for so long that I … I can't just give him up like that. It's like going on withdrawal. It hurts, and it makes me ill. I'm still pissed, but more than anything, I just don't… feel… It's numb and it aches a little.

It sparks some bad habits. I've become sullen, and I can't trust anyone anymore.

(And I cut. I love the blood. It works. I feel whole. But I hate it.)

But worse, I sing.

I hate my voice. I'm not that good, I think, but I like writing, so I'll sing.

Today, I'm singing, and I'm waiting on Reiji, so I'm in XMR, and I'm singing.

(I'm going to cancel my contract today.)

"_I think somehow I gotta get it straight  
I gotta get you out of me  
But I cannot get through to you_

_How I feel like I'm starless  
I'm ready to fade now  
And how I feel like I'm starless  
I'm hopeless and grayed out  
Somehow I feel like I'm starless  
I'm ready to fade now  
And now I feel like I'm starless  
I'm ready to burn out__  
I can transcend you and mentally bend you  
But I can't handle the shit that I'm into  
I have been blinded and always reminded  
Of the things I've wanted but I never could find  
I am a part of a world that I hate I wish the  
End would come faster my world's a disaster  
Can't you see that I'm down and I'm drowning  
And I can't keep my head above my wake_

_I gotta get you out of my veins  
I gotta get you out of my blood  
I gotta get you out of my scene  
I gotta get you out of me  
What I'm really trying hard to get down to words  
Is the way I fit into this world  
Things I survived pushed me to the darkeer side  
Because of life as it was the life that was  
Yours should've never been mine  
But I never could take anymore of this  
Cause I'm always gonna get down to the floor  
It's a cold gun that I kiss  
'Cause I cannot break anymore"_

A brunette, one who was not Reiji—he was male, stuck his head into the room. "Was that you singing, Mister?"

I don't have an answer for this; I haven't talked to anyone really in a long time. My friends take it, and understand. They are there, but they are silent.

"You're good. You're Tsuki riiight?"

I can't help but nod. This guy is odd, talking to me like this, but I guess I'll divulge.

"Hiroshi-kun says you're gonna quit music!"

Hiroshi… Hiro? How does this weirdo know Hiro? … Whatever. I just nod again.

"Don't do it. You have talent."

And with that, the mysterious weird guy left.

But I feel like, and now I feel stupid for thinking this, I think that oddball knows music; just by the authority in which he credited me for.

I don't think I'll null the contract yet…

Maybe I can stick it to Shuichi by coming back and smiling like I'm the one who doesn't give a shit. It'll take a lot, but I think I can do it.


	11. Chapter 11: I've Never Forgotten

_**A/N: Oh, gods, it's wonderful what a good group of friends can do to you! I've been in such a wonderful mood ever since I stopped hanging out with the person who hurt me. SO! Who could guess who the cameo was last chapter? Guys? Huh? I mean, it was a filler, so I had to do it! Who was it, now?! I'm so proud of this story though; my longest! This is its eleventh chapter! And it's planned for a few more, I think. So at most, there will be fourteen chapters!!! I think! I am so proud:sob:**_

_**The first song is my most-est favorit-est ( :shudders at the bad grammar: ) anime song in the world!!! "Sleepless Beauty" by Nittle Grasper!!!! (I had to have Ryu somewhere in this story!!!) I sorta, kinda, re-arranged some things… I ish so soooorrry Ryuichi-sama!! ( :gets hit in the head with a random Kumagoro: ) **_

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: I've Never Forgotten**

"Shuichi."

The pink-haired vocalist flinched harshly, turning around to see Tsuki. "H-hello," he mumbled, looking at the floor. "So, um… I've heard that you're staying with the band…"

Tsuki squared his shoulders, determination steeling his gaze. "You're heard correct, Shuichi."

"Look, you know that…I …"

"I don't know, and I won't forget. I'll _never_ forget, because I still love you," Tsuki said coolly.

Shuichi looked up at the drummer, his eyes guilty.

"And now, that matter is settled, may I show you some lyrics?" Tsuki asked brightly, once again returning to his goofy self.

Confusion clouded Shuichi's face for a moment, then his smile returned brightly, realizing that this was Tsuki's way of trying to fix things; he'd better not screw it up.

Because in truth, he really did love Tsuki, but he… just loved him in such a different way that it was odd. He didn't want to hurt the boy; he wanted to protect Tsuki from being hurt. It was a very precarious situation, seeing as this feeling in itself was what hurt the percussionist in the first place. That and lying.

"'Kay! We can always use more songs!" Shuichi gushed bubbly, bouncing happily.

Tsuki grinned, and not even Shuichi—as dull as he was sometimes—could miss the small melancholy and longing behind it. And the vocalist knew, with a pang in his heart, that it would never, ever, disappear.

* * *

"Nakano." 

Hiro looked up from his lunch, quite surprised who he found to be standing over him. "Yes, Eiri Yuki-san?" He inquired rather coldly.

"I need to speak with you. May I sit?" As Hiro nodded, Yuki pulled a seat to the red-head's table. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Where does Shuichi live?"

"Why?" The guitarist narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the novelist, pushing his food aside. "If he wanted you to know, he'd have told you by now."

"I need to talk to him. Nakano, I want to fix things with him…"

"Have you ever considered that things are past fixing?"

A new voice entered the conversation. "If Mr. Yuki wants to speak with Shuichi and make things right… It would make Shuichi _very_ happy," Tsuki said, wistfully sighing.

"You're not that bad, kid," Yuki commented cordially.

"I don't care about your opinion of me. I just want Shuichi happy. And it'd make him happy, Hiro, so tell him what he wants," Tsuki mumbled with a shrug, turning to leave the conversation he'd interrupted.

As Tsuki strode away, Hiro sighed. "He lives on the apartment building on Main Street. Here's the key," he muttered, digging into his pockets.

As Yuki left, the red-head desperately prayed that this would make Shuichi happy. Even so, he began to form a plan B to pull his friend out of depression if the confrontation did not go well. Because he could not forget what had happened to his friend before, and he wanted Shuichi happy, because he loved him.

* * *

Shuichi lay on his couch, idly tossing a ball up and down as music blasted through his speakers. It was weird, hearing the song that started it all; the song that made him want to sing. In fact, it still did, and he loved it even more.

"_(Deguchi no nai) shougeki ni taeru tsumori nara _

((Without an exit) If you intend to survive the impact)

_(Kuzureru hodo) itsuwari o misete _

((To the point where you fall apart) Enrapture the deceits)

_Umarekawareru anata yo hitori hohoemanaide hitomi o irodoru _

(You who have been reborn, color your eyes without smiling alone)

_Nozonda sekai ga totsuzen hai ni natte mo kiseki ni mada meguriaeru _

(Even if the world you've longed for has suddenly burned to ash,

In some miracle we could still brush into each other.)

_Muku na mama de sarasarete hanabira o chirasu hana no you ni _

(Be exposed in a state of purity like a flower whose petals have fallen)

_Migaku houseki te no naka no hibi ni sae kizukihajimeteru _

(You're just beginning to notice the days are shining jewels cupped in your hand)

_(Tsumetai te ga) nukeochita toge o hirou kara _

((A cold hand) gathers up the shed thorns, so)

_(Madoromu hi ga) kusuburitsuzukeru _

((A banked flame) continues to smolder)

_(Deguchi mo naku) (kuzureochiru)_

((And there's no way out) (I'm falling further down))…_"_

The singer sighed, tossing the ball up once more, watching it arch slightly before it fell back into his open palm. He repeated the process, mumbling under his breath.

"What _is_ love, anyway?" Tsuki said he loved him, Hiro said it too, his fans… He said it an awful lot, too. He was sure he used to know what it meant to love, but now it was muddled between platonic, friendly, and romantic. He couldn't tell which was which anymore.

"You should know. It's thinking about a person non-stop— Worrying about them, only caring about their happiness, and convincing yourself that if they're happy, then your pain is worth it. You want only to be around that person, and feel important, even if you never will; you want them to value you. Love is selfish, but at the same time, selfless. You can't wait for anything when you're in love, and love can't wait for you. … Sometimes, you'll go to sleep thinking about them, for they're always on your mind, and you'll long to see them in your dreams, because there… Everything is perfect."

The ball fell to the sofa with a _thump _and Shuichi gave a loud gasp. He bolted up, looking at the source of the explanation. "How did you…?"

"It's easy to find someone when you want to…"

"I've never forgotten that you said you didn't want me," Shuichi mumbled, walking towards the speaker.

"I've never forgotten that I _lied_."

"You forgot how much—"

"_I never forgot at all, Shuichi_."


	12. Chapter 12: Disenchanted

_**A/N: Ooh, I left you with a cliffy! Back to the action, ne? That last chapter was patchy too… Gahhhh, I'm starting to get mild writer's block, because my inspiration refuses to cooperate! But anyway. This chapter, hmmm… I dunno… Maybe? Urg, I can't think… But this chapter's here, thank god for insomnia!! (Sarcastic much?!) But this chapter is basically setting up for the end, and shameless bittersweet fluff. I think the end of the chapter reflected my insomnia-- I don't think it really made any sense... **_

_**You all make me so happy! I love reading your reviews and reactions (if you so include them) and, seriously, it makes me so happy to know that y'all are enjoying something that I do. I hate to sound gushy, but it really means a lot to me. Not just as a writer, but as a person as well. Knowing that there's someone, somewhere, looking forward to something I do is just… Wow. I'm sure you guys know the feeling!!!**_

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Disenchanted **

The room was mostly silent, filled only with the strains of music that played through the speakers. Every time the song changed, the silence between was filled with the audible clicks of the clock ticking away time.

Shuichi couldn't bring himself to look away from Yuki's eyes; it had been over three years since he had stared into them like this. Not even that night at the hospital did he dare have eye contact with this man. He knew that if he ever did, there would be no turning back anymore; he'd never be able to stop the consequences those eyes brought about.

Yuki carefully examined Shuichi's actions. The boy looked shaken, but otherwise, he looked healthy enough. For that, the novelist was thankful—the last three or four times he had seen the boy, he had looked malnourished and in need of sleep. But what he wasn't thankful for, however, was how Shuichi was looking at him. The large, violet orbs were glazed slightly, and his eyes were widened.

Why the hell was he staring like the world was about to fall apart?!

"Shuichi."

The singer jumped, falling off of the sofa in the process.

Shuichi hadn't expected for Yuki to speak. Slowly, he stood, dusting himself off as he did so. Once again, he looked back up into his ex-lover's face. "Yuki," he whispered, the name unintentionally slipping from his lips.

Again, silence ensued from the two men.

"Did you…" Shuichi dropped his head, pink hair obscuring his face, his trembling voice breaking the vocal hush. "Did you really mean that?"

"Mean what?"

Shuichi sighed; same old Yuki, always making him beg for something he wanted. "That… what you said about love… Did you mean it?"

Yuki stared at Shuichi, his gaze softening immensely. If the singer were to look up, he'd find the novelist with such an unguarded look, it would make anyone instantaneously burst into tears.

"Of course I did," Yuki mumbled, stepping towards the vocalist.

Shuichi involuntarily took a step back. "M-m-more importantly, how do you know where I live?!"

Yuki stared sadly at the pink-haired pop star; the boy was shaking, and his eyes were wide.

Shuichi waited for the answer, leaning back against his sofa, his fingers enclosed tightly against the fabric. "W-well?"

"I asked Nakano for it. It took a bit to get it from him, but after your drummer vouched for me, he gave it up."

Shuichi swore loudly, stamping his foot. "I thought he said that he wanted me happy!" he hissed.

"He seemed to think that me coming to visit you would make you happy," Yuki said, reaching out to Shuichi.

His fingers brushed lightly against the boy's face, and curled into Shuichi's pink hair, the distance between the two suddenly closed.

"Did he now?" Shuichi whispered, the color draining from his face. "I wonder what would ever posses— Mn!"

Shuichi found himself bracing his arms against the sofa, his eyes closed tightly, and his tongue engaged in a battle that it long had missed.

Yuki tipped Shuichi's head upward, fitting his mouth even tighter against Shuichi's soft lips. Slowly, he rubbed his tongue deep into Shuichi's mouth, his free arm encircling the musician's waist. His teeth found the boy's lower lip, and he slowly bit, dragging his teeth slowly away from the flesh as he pulled away.

Panting softly, Shuichi blinked, docile and wide-eyed up at Yuki, and brought his arms around Yuki's, trusting the older man to hold him up. He brought their lips back together, moaning softly as Yuki's hand traveled down his spine and under his clothes.

Shuichi slowly pulled away, nuzzling his cheek to Yuki's shoulder. "I love you," he whispered shyly.

* * *

The blonde nuzzled Shuichi's neck gently, feeling the thin fingers dig gently into his shoulder muscles. Every time, even now, the novelist always marveled at the sheer intensity of the pink-haired musician.

Yuki's teeth found Shuichi's pulse, and the boy shivered slightly. "Oh, god," he murmured, his voice low and coated with sex.

Yuki chuckled deeply, and the vocalist squirmed, moaning.

"Stop teasing, god," Shuichi whined, glaring down into Yuki's golden eyes.

Yuki rolled onto his side, holding the singer close, sighing softly.

Shuichi blinked, cuddling slowly against him.

"I… I read your book…"

Yuki started suddenly, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Oh, well… I…"

"You hoped I would, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Yuki scratched the back of his head, just a little bit embarrassed.

"I came through better than you did," Shuichi said, sniffing haughtily.

"You did," Yuki affirmed.

Scowling softly, Shuichi bit his lip. "Get out," he whispered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen…" He stood, rolling off of the sofa, wrapping the blanket off the side around his body. "It was unexpected. Enjoyable, but… Get out."

Yuki frowned, but slowly shook his head. After getting dressed, he stepped towards Shuichi, cupping the boy's cheek in his hand. "I don't understand you, Shuichi," he murmured.

Shuichi looked down guiltily, shrugging.

Without a word, Eiri Yuki left, closing the door tightly behind him.

* * *

"Nng!!" Shuichi pounded his fist into the sofa cushion, sobbing.

"Why do I always mess things up?!"

He brought the back of his hand to his eyes, wiping away the tears. Sitting back on his heels, he stared at the ceiling, wondering how in the world he could fix it this time.

Because this time, he had wanted Yuki to stay. He wanted it to go back to normal, and he had meant it when he told the writer that he loved him.


	13. Chapter 13: From the Get Go

_**A/N: We're nearing the end, guys. This chapter, the next one, and an epilogue are all that's left of Ricochet's run. I hope you guys stick around!! Ooooh, care to guess who the two schemers are? I didn't think I'd include them much in the story at all, but I wanted to give Tsuki a happy ending, sooooo, I worked it in. But anyway, I'll give you three guesses to whom are schemers are. GYAAAH! I HAVE UPLOADED THIS CHAPTER A BAZILLION TIMES, AND THE CHANGES NEVER GET SAVED:falls to the floor in a deep bow: I'm trying to fix all the mistakes, but it's not working!!! T-T**_

_**The song is "Bird". I know it belongs to Gravitation somewhere, but I've never heard it, but I used it because, well... The lyrics fit!

* * *

**_

**Chapter Thirteen: From the Get-Go**

"And then you _what_?!" Hiro hissed, leaning across his chair to stare Shuichi down.

Shuichi shrugged, his furred collar brushing against his cheek. He raised a pencil to his lips, chewing silently on the eraser. "I told 'im to leave," he mumbled around the end of the pencil.

"You're an idiot," the guitarist huffed, returning to the doctor office-issued old magazine.

"Yeah, you've pegged me," Shuichi giggled, absently crossing out a few words in his notebook.

Currently, the two were waiting for Shuichi's name to be called for his weekly check up. Normally, Shuichi went alone, but he had asked Hiro to tag along so he could fill his friend in on the night before.

"Heeey, Hiro, what rhymes with 'loneliness'?"

Hiro raised an eyebrow, sneaking a look at the new lyrics that Shuichi was writing. "Um… Moldiness?"

Shuichi scowled. "_Ew_. No."

Hiro chuckled, and Shuichi raised his fist to smack the guitarist, but as he began to do so, his name was called.

Shuichi stood, dusting off his worn-out jeans. "Ha. You've been saved, Hiroshi. I'll be back in a few."

Hiro laughed softly as he watched his friend drift into the back of the doctor's office. He returned to his magazine, shaking his head. "He's really changed," he mumbled. "I hope he stays happy this time…"

* * *

Absently, Shuichi kicked his feet as the doctor washed her hands. "So, doc, will I be able to perform soon?" 

The woman laughed, pushing her glasses up her nose. "Well it depends on your state, Mr. Shindou," she replied, drying her hands on a towel.

"I've been taking my medicine like a good boy," the pink-haired rock star whined.

His doctor ignored this and slid on a pair of gloves, striding over to the table where Shuichi was sitting. She pulled her stethoscope out and placed it against Shuichi's chest. "Breathe."

Shuichi obeyed, and happily noted the positive nod of the lady doctor. She wrote a few notes down, then pulled out a small flashlight.

"Open your mouth," she ordered. Once Shuichi had complied, she shone the light down his throat, checking for the open sores that had caused his collapse months before.

She took some more notes, then nodded at Shuichi. "You're all healed," she said, pausing for a short cheer from the musician. "But stay away from alcohol, high stress situations, and please, take it easy on the screaming during your concert."

Shuichi beamed, nodding. "No problem, would you like to come to the concert, then?" he asked, tipping his head to the side.

The woman blushed slightly, and Shu laughed, jumping down from the table. "I take that as a yes! I'll send you a ticket! And thank you!" And with that, Shuichi raced out of the room.

* * *

Yuki angrily kicked his coffee table, sending his ashtray and beer flying to the floor. He ran his hands through his hair, his fingers tugging, frustrated, at the strands. 

Having nothing else to do, he collapsed onto his wrecked sofa, turning on the television. It didn't help that the last channel he had watched was the music channel, and it _really _didn't help that Bad Luck was currently starring on the show.

With a sigh, he decided to sit back and watch anyway.

* * *

"And this is Bad Luck with one of their older songs, 'Bird'!" 

Shuichi picked up the mic, grinning happily at the cameras, and began to sing.

_"(Ikanaide!) Sakendemo ano sora e tobu yasei no tori_

_(Even when I shout "Don't go!", the wild bird flies to the sky)_

_Never say good bye shinayaka na sono tsubasa yuuki ni akaku somete_

_((Never say good bye) as those supple wings are dyed red with courage.)_

_(Ikanaide!) Kono mune wa tsumi bukai yume mite shimau yo_

_("Don't go!" In my heart, I can't help seeing that sinful dream --)_

_Never say good bye sono hane wo kiri totte makka ni nurasu yume wo_

_((Never say goodbye) a dream where those feathers are torn out and soaked in crimson.)_

_Kanashige na me de naze mitsumerun da?_

_(Why do you gaze at me with those sorrowful eyes?)_

_Nandomo furimuite mouichido dake dakishimetai to negatte shimau_

_(No matter how often you turn away, I can't help wanting to embrace you just one more time.) _

_(Itte kure!) Ima ore ga samishisa ni chi wo nagashitetemo_

_("Tell me!" Now, no matter whether blood pours out from my loneliness)_

_Never say good bye tobu koto wo kimeta nara mae dake muita mama_

_((Never say good bye) if you'd decided to fly away, you'd just stare ahead like that.)_

_(Itte kure!) Kono omoi me wo tojite sora e to suteru sa_

_("Tell me!" Come, close those heavy eyes and throw away the sky.)_

_Never say good bye itsu no hi ka aeru darou haruka na umi wo koe_

_((Never say good bye) You'll probably get there someday, and cross the distant ocean.)"_

Once the song was finished, Shuichi and the rest of the band were seated on a long couch, facing the hostess of the show.

"So other than your new album, which is set for release on March 11th, does Bad Luck have anything else planned?"

Shuichi nodded. "We do. On January 28th, we've got a concert."

The host perked, leaning forward excitedly. "Does that mean you've been released from the tour hiatus?"

Shuichi laughed. "Yes it does. We're launching our new international tour with that concert. Please buy tickets."

* * *

Yuki stared blankly at the TV. So… he'd missed his chance. 

With a sigh, he turned it off, dropping his head in his hands. He'd go to that concert, if only just to see Shuichi one last time.

* * *

Standing in the lobby of XMR, the man leaned against the wall, jewelry sparkling on his hands, and chains dangling around his waist. Dark blue sunglasses adorned his face, and his medium-brown hair was tucked back into a black newsboy hat. Music pumped into his ears through bright pink ear buds that traveled down to a stunningly green iPod. After checking his watch, he tipped the glasses down, azure eyes scanning the entering crowd. 

It was there that he found who he was waiting for.

"Over here," he called, waving over a blond man.

The man smiled gently, and made his way over to the brunette with the iPod.

"You're exactly on time," the brunette laughed, giving the blonde a short hug.

"So are you," the other replied with a quick laugh.

The brunette swiped off his sunglasses, his bright eyes twinkling. "And you sound like I'm not responsible at all," he chuckled. He turned and motioned for the blonde to follow him, walking towards the XMR café.

The blonde followed, quietly chuckling at his friends antics.

Once seated at the table, the two quickly took to scheming.

"So all the pieces have fallen into place. I feel sorry for the boy…"

The brunette cocked an eyebrow. "Shuichi?" he asked.

"No, no… Do you think that Eiri will go to the last concert?"

"If what my sources have been telling me, he will. He seems desperate to get the darling Shuichi back."

The blonde clicked his tongue. "Well, this tactical scheme has actually fallen into place…"

"I can only control so much… I just hope that Shuichi and Eiri Yuki-san will act like I think they will…"

"They're not very bright, those two," the blonde commented.

The brunette laughed, shaking his head.


	14. Chapter 14: Cresendo and Descent

_**A/N: This is it… The last chapter-chapter. There's an epilogue after this, of course. And a **__**humongous**__** author's note to go with it… Maybe a bonus story with Tsuki… And other bonus stories if people ask things they didn't understand about the story. :sniffs: Ricochet is almost done, it makes me sad. I wanted to drag this story out as long as it could go, 'cause it's my baby… and I reached the limit… :sniffles: WHAAAAAAAAAA :slowly gains composure so she can talk about the chapter: **_

_**Heheh, Shuichi has a habit of bursting out with proclamations of undying love during concerts, you know? And the identities of the two schemers are revealed! Some of you got half-way there, but I thought they were obvious, really… Especially the brunette… :shrugs: And I think I'm only relying on the fact that singers stretch out songs during concerts, because all that action could NOT happen in a three minute-something second song, but then I remember: It's all happening simultaneously! … And I had problems tying it all together, and my characterization of Rage being normal sucks, in my opinion. Rage is just so hard to characterize, 'cause she's such a flat character… And how about the twist with Tsuki-chan??? Hmmm? And I apologize for any choppiness; school just re-started, and I'm jammed with work… Geeehhh. **_

_**The songs are "Killing Loneliness" by H.I.M, which I included all the words for, and "You Fight Me" by Breaking Benjamin, again with all the lyrics. Their encore is "The Rage Beat" from the Gravitation anime (Sorries for the sucky translation…).

* * *

**_

**Chapter Fourteen: Crescendo and Descent **

The first concert since Shuichi was cleared by the doctors was sold out. People were spilling out of the concert hall, and tensions were high for the band.

Shuichi practiced alone, and the rest of the band sat in a room apart from their lead singer.

"He's still a little shaky," Tsuki said softly, twining his fingers together.

Hiro shook his head. "He said he's fine. We have to perform that song, though, will _you_ be okay…?"

"I don't want to," Tsuki mumbled. "It's living proof that I got used and the sweetest person in the world wants to end up with _him_."

Hiro patted the boy on the shoulder. "We ought to do whatever makes Shuichi happy… he's been deprived of it long enough."

Tsuki nodded sadly. "And _he's_ the only one who can grant it."

Reiji poked her head in through the door. "You're on," she said, motioning them with her bazooka to come on.

* * *

It was the first song they did.

"This song… is dedicated to Eiri Yuki," Shuichi said softly, stepping into the spotlight, microphone in hand.

A murmur went through the crowd, girls looking awestruck, and cries of 'They're together again?!', 'Shu-chan; no!', and other things from fans who had meticulously researched Bad Luck.

Shuichi smiled softly and put a finger over his lips as the music started. "Just listen," he murmured, and the crowd grew quiet. He smiled and began to fall into the rhythm with his body, mind, and heart.

"_Memories_

_Sharp as daggers_

_Pierce into the flesh of today_

_The suicide of love took away all that matters_

_And buried the remains_

_In an unmarked grave_

_In your…_

_With the venomous kiss you gave me_

_I'm killing loneliness_

_Killing loneliness_

_With the warmth of your arms_

_You save me_

_Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you_

_We're killing loneliness_

_That turned my heart into a tomb,_

_I'm killing loneliness!_

_Nailed to a cross_

_Together _

_As solitude begs us to stay_

_Before we disappear in the light forever_

_And denounce the power of death over_

_Our soul let's see_

_With words I say to start a war_

_With the venomous kiss you gave me_

_I'm killing loneliness_

_Killing loneliness_

_With the warmth of your arms_

_You save me_

_Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you_

_We're killing loneliness_

_That turned my heart into a tomb,_

_I'm killing loneliness!_

_I'm killing loneliness_

_I'm killing loneliness! _

_With the venomous kiss you gave me_

_I'm killing loneliness_

_Killing loneliness_

_With the warmth of your arms_

_You save me_

_Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you_

_We're killing loneliness_

_That turned my heart into a tomb,_

_I'm killing loneliness!_

_I'm killing loneliness with you_

_I'm killing loneliness with you_

_Killing loneliness with you_

_Killing loneliness with you!_

_Killing loneliness_

_Killing loneliness…"_

Yuki stood in the back of the audience, listening to the music.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was Reiji.

"You're his manager, right?"

"Producer," the petite brunet corrected. She leaned against the wall, smirking. "So, you're this Eiri Yuki fellow. You're not very bright, for a romance novelist."

Yuki scowled darkly at the girl, crossing his arms. "Oh?"

Reiji stuck her thumb out, winking at Yuki. "My vocalist misses you," she said, motioning to the stage. "Listen. He's talking to you…"

By this time, the song as only instrumental, and Shuichi was indeed speaking into the microphone.

"Why did you do it, if you didn't mean it? Why did you wait so long?" Shuichi gripped the mic tightly, feeling his fingers ache against the leather of his gloves. "If you were going to come back and tell me that you really cared, why couldn't you have come sooner?! I felt like part of me had been killed! I couldn't trust anyone when I first came back! I hated everything! Why couldn't you have let me love you, Yuki?!"

Dimly, he recognized that he was begging in front of hundreds of people, and that the probabilities of Yuki being there were slim to none, but still, he continued; "I did some horrible things because of what you let happen! One of which was pushing you away that last time. I didn't mean it, I still love you more than anything, and what I said ages ago is still true! You were mine, and I want you to still be mine! Please, because I don't want to belong to anyone else," the vocalist whispered into the microphone. "If you're here, please, I… I just want you to know that I meant it when I said I love you and that… I'm sorry…"

The audience was dead silent, everyone staring agape at the pink-haired performer. The members of Bad Luck were no different. Tsuki was fidgeting unhappily behind his drum set, Hiro looked plain shocked, and Suguru was leaning over his keyboards, hissing something at Shuichi.

Shuichi paused for a long moment, his eyes scanning the crowds. After a long, uncomfortable silence, he nodded to Suguru, who started up their next song.

"Heheh, sorry guys," Shuichi said, shrugging apologetically. "No need to get you all involved in my own personal dramas!"

It seemed that he was back to normal, but even from the back, the pain that glittered in his eyes was obvious.

* * *

Normally, the executive box was empty during Bad Luck's performances, but for this concert, it was occupied by two people. One was sitting back in a chair, chuckling lightly; the other however, was standing at the edge of the box, hands curled loosely around the metal railing.

The two had paid rapt attention while Shuichi was speaking, and now the brunette of the two was scanning the crowd; when he didn't find what he was looking for, he spun around, jewelry jangling as he turned to face the blonde.

"It didn't work!" Ryuichi groaned. "I would have thought for sure that anyone would come running at that!"

Tohma laughed quietly. "Well, Eiri-san has always been a little slow on the uptake; I think we should just wait until Reiji-chan comes back and tells us how her chat went, hmm?"

The brunette vocalist rolled his eyes, leaning into the railing.

* * *

In the back of the crowd, there was one person who seemed to have not gotten over Shuichi's outburst songs before.

Yuki stood, back to the wall, eyes wide. "That… that _idiot_…"

"We-ell, apparently, he wants to be your idiot, Mr. Yuki," Reiji said flippantly. "And it seems your lack of emotion has upset him. Now, what do you wanna do about? My Shuichi won't be kept waiting too long; remember: He flies away tomorrow."

Yuki turned his head, opening his mouth to snap out a retort. After a moment, he seemed to decide it wasn't worth it, and began to push through the crowd.

Reiji snickered. "Well, those two aren't as idiotic as I thought. Their plan actually worked… I guess if you pair a president with a musician you get some brilliant ideas… "

* * *

"Okay guys! This should be our last song! But you never really know, we _maaay_ treat you to more!" Shuichi teased, leaning over the side of the stage to give a group of screaming girls high-fives as the music started.

"_You fight me,_

_Flat on my lonely face I fell,_

_Finding in the end I live,_

_Well, in light of the life that I have found;_

_**It's coming down!**_

_I don't know what isn't real,  
But it's easy  
To beat me!  
(__**Suck it in**__!)  
Life is sink or swim;  
Love is blinding, no surviving_

_I don't know what I want to be yet.  
But I can show that I need to see this.  
No time for lies and empty fights!  
__**I'm on your side**__…"_

Yuki pushed his way through the people, knocking them down, cursing them out, or just simply pushing them away; whatever could get him to that stage and to Shuichi before it was too late.

"_Can we live a life of peace and happiness?  
**I don't think so!**" _

"Dammit, Shuichi, we can!" Yuki hissed, pausing for a mere millisecond. Then he went on, bulldozing through the crowds.

"_**No denying I am scared to lose the things I love.  
I'm in control!"**_

Yuki looked up at Shuichi, who was shaking. The memories from the last concert rolled through his mind, and he was more determined than ever to get up to that stage. He couldn't let Shuichi hurt himself any more because of _his_ stupid mistake. And really, the novelist honestly doubted that in this state, Shuichi was in _any_ kind of control. He needed to be taken care of! As he ran through the audience—who were slowly catching on—he mentally slapped himself for not realizing it before.

* * *

The door to the executive box opened, and Reiji strolled in, grinning triumphantly.

Tohma stood, and Ryuichi spun around, both glaring expectantly at the XMR producer. "Well?!" they demanded in unison.

"Someone needs to go backstage, or else Mr. Eiri Yuki won't be able to reach Shuichi," she said, grinning like a maniac.

Tohma nodded, and exited, making sure that he was backstage to meet his brother-in-law.

Ryuichi turned his head back to the stage, sighing. "A happy ending for Shuichi is good, ne, Reiji-chan?" he mumbled wistfully. "That way he'll be sparkly again. Like he used to. That's fine."

"Ryuichi, is this the only reason why you suddenly transferred to XMR again?" Reiji asked suddenly. "To execute this harebrained scheme? 'Cause if it is, I won't stand for it!" she declared.

Ryuichi turned at Reiji and gave a sheepish laugh. "No, it was really because of that boy."

Reiji blinked. "Shuichi?"

The man shook his head, waving his hand in time. "No, no… Tsuki. He's got a lot of promise. I saw that back in Japan. I saw it again here…"

Reiji suddenly remembered Tsuki saying something about 'a weird brunette' telling him to stay with XMR. "Are _you_ the reason he decided to stay on with Bad Luck?"

Ryuichi leaned back, bracing himself against the railing. He tipped his head to the night sky, the stars almost extinguished by the lights of the concert hall. "I heard him singing, and I know how much he likes music. I felt bad for using him in the plan. But I knew that Shuichi would only realize what he was doing to himself if he was presented with the same situation he was in with Yuki. But I …still think it was wrong to use him like that…"

"And that's why you recommended him to me? Because you knew that he was in love with Shindou?" The girl paused, thinking. "It seems that Eiri Yuki's not the only one who needs to go up on that stage," she said wisely.

Ryuichi sighed, mulling over the advisement. "Yeah… yeah, I think I do," he chuckled. "I think I really do," he whispered a few moments later, looking out to the stage, to Tsuki.

* * *

"_This is how; this is how it's going to end.  
This is how; this is how it's going to end.  
End…  
Everyone is waiting here for everyone.  
Leave me alone!_

_This is how; this is how it's going to end._

_This is how; this is how it's going to end_

_**NO**_

_This is how; this is how it's going to end_

_End…"_

Shuichi clutched the mic, willing himself to stop shaking, to stop the tears that were welling in his eyes. He had _tried_; he had tried to fix what he had messed up weeks before. He didn't know why he had subjected himself to this sort of humiliation, but… he had hoped it would work. At least, he comforted himself as the instrumental break came on, he'd be gone from this place tomorrow, and he'd be able to rewire himself to a life alone.

Because not being answered hurt the most.

* * *

"Eiri-san! Over here!" Tohma called, waving his hand.

Yuki stalked over to his brother-in-law. "What the hell?! I have to get up onstage, you pompous, effeminate, home-wrecking son of a—"

Tohma's sweet smile and innocent chuckles cut the novelist off. "Why, Eiri-san, I know that. But how will you be able to without my help?" the blonde purred, opening up the gate to the backstage area.

"Why you! You've been in on this haven't you?!" Yuki hissed, reaching out for the blonde's collar.

"Temper! If you don't hurry, Shindou-san will be out of your grasp, and you won't be able to try again," the president of NG warned. "You have twenty seconds to get onstage; I'll cue them to draw out the ending! Go!"

At this reminder, Yuki raced through the gate, and onto the stage platform.

* * *

Shuichi couldn't remember a time when the ending to the song had been this long, or when the spotlights didn't give heat to the stage. Of course, he reasoned, it had to be his own heartbreak chilling his body and dragging out the song.

The singer suppressed a sigh, wondering how a twenty-second ending could feel like five minutes.

And then, a pair of arms hugged him from behind.

And the crowd went wild.

"You idiot, do you always have to say such embarrassing things in the middle of your concerts?" a voice whispered into the singer's ear.

Slowly, and almost shyly, Shuichi looked up at the man who was holding him. "Oh… my… god…" His brilliant eyes went wide with shock, and his fingers slowly uncurled, releasing the microphone. As it bounced onto the ground, Yuki gently grabbed Shuichi's chin, and pulled Shuichi into a deep kiss.

In front of everyone.

Of course, the members of Bad Luck had been informed that maybe, just maybe, something like this would happen, and so they played on, waiting for the two to finish and for Shuichi to re-cue the ending.

They had to wait longer than they thought they would, for Shuichi and Yuki were caught in their own little fairy-tale ending.

* * *

Shuichi had no idea what was going on. But he liked it this way; not knowing how Yuki was onstage, but just knowing he was there. Not knowing how he'd been brought into his arms, but just knowing he was there. Not knowing exactly _why_, but knowing that he was safe and he was loved and that he'd never be alone at night again. It all just made him melt inside and wish this moment would never end.

His fingers tangled into Yuki's hair, and he leaned forward, the approving roar of the crowd fading to his ears. He heard nothing, caught only in the feeling of the novelist's hands on his waist, and their mouths pressed tightly together, tongues battling for dominance.

Shuichi snuggled tightly to Yuki's body, pulling away. "I think I have a concert to finish," he whispered breathlessly.

Yuki shrugged, reluctantly letting go of the pink haired singer. Shuichi beamed, turning and picking up the microphone.

He faced the crowd, blushing. "Can he make an entrance or what guys?!" he laughed sheepishly, feeling the blonde's arm creep around his waist.

The masses basically exploded with shrieks and faints. "Yo! Take away the ending, Hiroshi!" Shuichi called, his free hand latching to Yuki's wrist.

The song picked back up where it was supposed to go when the writer exploded on stage.

The vocalist put the mic up to his mouth and sang for all he was worth, putting his new happiness into the lyrics, giving them an entirely new ending.

"_This is how; this is how it's going to end_

_**NO**_

**This** is how; this is how it's going to end

End…_"

* * *

_

After the song had finished, Shuichi called for an encore, announcing it as one of Bad Luck's first songs.

Tsuki sighed, and gave Suguru a look that clearly said _'I'm leaving, and don't try to stop me, mother fucker'_.

He snuck off stage as the music rang through, verses of discordant Japanese jarring his brain.

" _Obieta mezuki de iradatsu omoi uwaki na kaze ni hakisutete_

_(With a terrified look in the eyes, spit those irritated feelings into the fickle wind)"_

The drummer threw his sticks to the floor, his hands raking through his hair angrily. "Dammit, why did they have to make out on the freakin' stage?!" he hissed.

Tsuki shook his head and took a few deep breaths. He reached down and rubbed his temples. Slowly, he regained composure.

"_Doko ni mo tomaranai_

_(That unfulfilled emotion that never settles somewhere—)_

_Mitasanai Emotion shikato kimete oikose yo_

_(Decide to ignore it, and then overtake it…)_

_Furueteru shai na seikai no nuke-michi o neratte_

_(Aim for the loophole in this shy, trembling society…)_

_Tadoritsuku basho e_

_(For the place that we keep struggling towards…)_

_I Want New World!"_

When Tsuki was finally calm enough to stop shaking, he made his way to his dressing room, only to find it occupied.

Tsuki's prior anger and jealousy faded with the new surprise. "You!" he cried, pointing at the brunette who was sitting on the counter.

The man pointed to himself. "Me? Why, yes, I know that," was his cheery reply.

"You're that-that weird guy!"

Ryuichi blinked. He'd been called a number of things, but this one was new. "That's mean, Tsuki-chan." He jumped off of the counter, brushing his pants off. "'Specially after I started your career for you."

"Say wha…?" Tsuki shook his head, rubbing his eyes. "Did I like, pass out, and is this some freaky dream? And _who_ are you?!"

Ryuichi chuckled. "Me? I'm Ryuichi."

Tsuki blinked. "R-ryuichi… As in Ryuichi Sakuma? From Nittle Grasper? Surely you can't…"

"I can!"

Tsuki's eyes widened, and for a moment, it looked like he was about to faint from sheer shock. Ryuichi took a step forward, holding out his hands.

Tsuki gently grabbed onto Ryuichi's sleeve, staring wide eyed up at the older man. "Y-you! It was _you_ who told me that I had talent?!"

Ryu grinned, chuckling. "Yeah. And I referred you to XMR, too."

"Oh…my god…" Tsuki shook his head, and headed over to the couch that was in the room. He sat heavily on it. "I don't know whether to tell you to screw off or to thank you…"

Ryuichi shrugged, sitting next to Tsuki. "Honestly, I'd tell me to screw off…" he murmured, his eyes narrowing.

"What?"

"Tsuki… it… it's my fault that… You got…"

"That I got used? Well, it was inevitable; just 'cause you referred me doesn't mean—"

"It does," Ryuichi said sharply. Tsuki was taken aback by this sudden somberness the singer radiated. It was like an older, more intense Shuichi. "I told Reiji-chan to specifically put you with Bad Luck. Because… I knew… from Japan… that you were in love with Shuichi."

Tsuki scowled, his fingers beginning to toy with the hem of his shirt. "So that makes it your fault…?"

"I knew that Shuichi would recognize that you felt the same as he did when he met Eiri Yuki. I knew that he was lonely, and when Shuichi's lonely, he tends to act extremely to correct it. I knew… or at least, I had hoped that he'd… use you as a substitute for Yuki."

Ryuichi swallowed, trying not to look at the younger musician. He laced his fingers and tipped his head against them, closing his eyes. Beside him, he could hear Tsuki's shortened breathing and the short tremors that shook through the boy. God, it just made him feel so guilty. But the only thing left was to continue. "I… hadn't… predicted… that he'd go so far with it… And I hadn't realized that you'd take it so… badly," Ryuichi whispered. For all his fame and fortune, his people skills were less than par, due to the fact that he tried to stay away from the hurt they'd probably cause.

Tsuki shot to his feet, tears streaming down his face. "I loved him! Don't screw with other people's emotions! Famous or not, I'm going to hit you! I swear it, I swear!"

Ryuichi shook his head. "I wasn't done. I watched over the plan here in New York while my friend pulled strings in Japan. When you wanted to quit, I was actually going to tell Reiji-san about the plan… I heard you singing. And I couldn't help but to stop… and I heard all that pain and betrayal in your voice… and… I… realized… and I realized it again tonight… That I fell in love with you." Ryuichi slowly brought his gaze to Tsuki, and he stood, staring sadly at the boy.

The drummer couldn't believe it. "Liar," he hissed. "I don't trust anyone anymore! I don't believe you. How can I!? I don't even believe in love, so how can I eve—"

Ryuichi stepped suddenly forward, cutting Tsuki's words off with a deep, passionate kiss.

* * *

"…So Sakuma-san got you to convince Rage to give you tickets to our concerts, and you gave those to Yuki, so when he came here, he'd come see them?" Shuichi asked, pointing back and forth between Reiji, Tohma, and Ryuichi.

The three nodded.

Yuki took a long drag from his cigarette, scowling. "That's just plain—"

"You fuckers!" Shuichi shrieked, cutting his lover off. "That was mean and devious and…"

"It worked, didn't it?" Tohma asked dryly.

Shuichi wilted in his seat, snuggling defiantly against Yuki instead.

Tsuki sighed from a few chairs over. He leaned around Hiro and Suguru, who were looking only a little confused. "You have to admit, it was ingenious," he whispered.

Shuichi stuck his tongue out at the drummer, and Tsuki threw a chip at him. It was two weeks after the concert, and both musicians—and novelist— were finally coming to terms with the fact that they had been manipulated like putty.

Tsuki had been relatively content in the fact that Shuichi and Yuki were officially back together as he was dealing in a little superstar romance of his own.

So as the next little routine played out next to him, he was too absorbed in talking to his now lover to even notice:

"But… Am I really that predictable, Seguchi-san?" Shuichi whined, leaning forward.

Tohma gave a smug smirk. "You are. And so is Eiri-san."

Shuichi gave a hiss of protest, but Yuki cut him short by wrapping an arm around Shuichi's waist. "I'd have to agree like hell. I know what you're about to do," he purred into the musician's ear. "_Melt_."

"What does… ah!" Yuki caught Shuichi in a warm, loving kiss.

And you know what? Yuki was right.


End file.
